Lame Adventure 282: Slight Heart Attack Time

Possibly I’m deluding myself, but I like to think that I’m not too squeamish nor am I a wimp.  I will admit that I don’t do well with the dead.  Residing anywhere for any length of time one will encounter road kill.  That’s a fact of life.  Here in New York, the unpleasant sight of a flattened pigeon or rodent is common.

Splat the pigeon.

Whenever I encounter the downside of nature, I make a mental note of where not to look and what street I will side step for the next few days.  Every time I do stumble upon some creature’s untimely demise, it is always a bit jarring to me.  I am never truly relaxed when I glimpse a mangled form of what was once very likely earlier that same day a living critter.  This does not imply that for the rest of that day that image will haunt me.  It is an isolated shock in the moment, but then I move on, forget about it and resume whatever it is I am doing.  I don’t dwell on the frozen lifeless cat put out with the trash.  Okay, that dead cat I saw nearly twenty years ago was exceptional.  It has remained stored in my memory bank  forever, but usually, I delete these images almost as quickly as I see them, unless, of course I photograph them.  Hey, you never know when you might need a picture of pigeon splat.

On a recent rainy afternoon I had to run an errand near my office in Tribeca.  Sheltered under my umbrella, I was moving at a brisk pace, focused on getting to where I was going when my eye caught that simultaneously familiar and shocking sight of a limp heap lying atop the corner of a tree planter.  I thought the usual:

Me:  Yuck.

Then, I did the usual.  I looked away and walked past.  I assumed it was a dead blackbird, similar to the kind of bird featured in Alfred Hitchcock’s film, The Birds.  As I raced away, I was uncharacteristically still thinking about that bird.  I felt disturbed.  Birds do not normally drop dead atop tree planters.  Some cruel creep had to have harmed that poor defenseless creature.  I felt outrage.  I wondered:

Me: Was it poisoned or shot?

Scene of the crime.

People, their inhumanity and their lack of respect for the living infuriate me.  I write a blog, I have a voice, and on a good day I have seven readers (if my friends and sister check in).  I am obligated to be a spokeswoman about this sort of mindless animal cruelty.  Therefore, I reversed course and marched back to that tree planter, if only to show my compassion for …

A glove with a soggy, furry cuff that a considerate soul in a random act of kindness placed here.

Maybe there is a shred of hope for the human race after all.  It might also behoove me to get my eyes examined.

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52 responses to “Lame Adventure 282: Slight Heart Attack Time

  1. Thanks for the chuckle … now I can go face the day. ;–)

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  2. i hope it was a painless leaving for that furry glove, sugarpie! ;!) xoxoxo

    *it’s been new baby madness around the plantation*

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  3. Okay, that first photo was a bit much, my friend–the second a huge improvement. I would not have expected this kind of post from you, but I love that you feel this way. You’re a sweetie!
    May the bird rest in peace.
    Hugs,
    Kathy

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    • That flattened pigeon photo has actually appeared in LA twice (not to imply that it’s back by popular demand)! I’m not quite sure how to interpret that you did not expect this kind of post from the likes of me. Is it because you know I’m a graduate of the Larry David School of Social Ineptitude or because you’re shocked that I have a touch of tree hugging in me?

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  4. Yep, add that to next month’s hearing test. Thanks for today’s chuckle!

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    • I apogize for not having read previous posts. I probably would have avoided reusing *chuckle*. Then again since two random readers used the same word maybe it was the right word after all.

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      • Oh please, Mike, no need to apologize. I’m amazed that anyone reads LA, much less returns to read it again since it has (almost) the intellectual equivalent of a Twinkie’s nutritional value. Glad you’re chuckling instead of punching your fist through your screen.

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  5. Twinkies have been give a bad rap. I’m a Suzie Q kind of guy. Is it just me that these snack cakes have gotten smaller? Maybe it is just in relation to my ever expanding waist line. A cruel revelation if that is the case.

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  6. Just want to clarify that Mike and Mike G are really the same person. I blame (again) my technology dyslexia or whatever you call it that I apparently signed up to follow your blog twice; once with the surname initial and one sans initial.

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  7. That pigeon looks delicious.

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    • Didn’t I read somewhere on your blog, possibly your New Year’s resolutions post (?), that this is the year you’re going to go veggie? Of course that pigeon looks delish to you, pal! You’re probably dying for chicken!

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  8. Out here in the country we, unfortunately, see roadkill all the time. Mainly deer but there are the occasional armadillos and porcupines since they’re pretty slow. The other day when I was in town I saw something lying by the side of the road that looked like someone’s little pet dog that had been run over and left to die. Just when I was beginning to be overcome with sadness, I drove closer and found out it was a remnant piece of shag carpet. What a relief! Guess I better make an eye appointment too…

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  9. we know u ate it1

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  10. Snoring Dog Studio

    Well, it could have been a bird!! I follow this rule: Indignation and outrage first, then verification. It saves a lot of time. I wish that all dead looking things on the street were actually articles of clothing. I hate seeing poor dead animals and birds who’ve met an untimely death because a human drove over them.

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  11. The dead glove recalls to my mind one night last summer when it was so humid I thought a jellyfish had washed up on my sidewalk (blog post XXII. Jellyfish). On closer inspection, though, I identified it as a clear plastic bag lopped over itself and wet from the subsiding thunderstorm. I did actually have my eyes examined recently. The doctor’s opinion is that they’re OK.
    Also — my apologies for taking so long — more to do with slowing down than eyesight, I think — I finally got around to commenting to your comment on my “The Age of Senility” post. Thanks. Yes, careening towards old age is disconcerting — especially upon seeing dead gloves and jellyfish washed up on one’s sidewalk in the middle of town.

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  12. A great image, yes — one of the many tricks my mind plays on my eyes these days. And I love the used condom on the lawn, too. 🙂

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  13. It probably says something that it wouldn’t have surprised me if your initial assessment had panned out. Hm, I’ll leave that for another. I’m glad that it didn’t.

    People can be cruel to animals and, if caught, they should be punished. That’s probably what the officer who pulled over my wife was thinking when he asked, “Did you try to hit that squirrel?” She was so surprised at the accusation that she almost couldn’t get the words out to explain that her erratic maneuver was an attempt to avoid the animal that darted first left then right ahead of her car.

    Perhaps his eyes were playing tricks on him too.

    I arrived via Susie’s blog.

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  14. Oh my god! That is a good one. I have done the very same thing (not with the same glove of course), but it is always funnier when someone else does it. And it had a happy ending!

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  15. Susie sent me…and now I’m wondering if you’d inadvertently stumbled on a nefarious bird murder scene…. Poor thing didn’t stand a chance.

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