Lame Adventure 277: Funny Valentines

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching.  It’s a day I find reliably disappointing for once again I’m Special Someone-less.  When I last checked my inner melancholy-o-meter, with 1 being “good riddance” and 10 being “suicidally depressed”, I’m somewhere in the middle.  I will admit that I’ve lost all motivation to shave so under my clothes I resemble Chewbacca a little more every day.  I miss those Backrubs on Demand and I wish she had returned the book she borrowed, Middlesex, by Jeffrey Eugenides, among a few other reasons why I regret fighting like cats and cats.

Overall, in my 369 ¼ dog years, I can recall experiencing few romantic Valentine’s Days, but in that same time period, I have been bombarded with countless reminders of what I should do to celebrate this day with the Special Someone that usually eludes me every February 14th.  See examples below.

Say it with a classy card*.

*Card available from Noble Works.

Say it with flowers* provided no one is deathly allergic like me.

*The say it with flowers site.

Say it with a Jacques Torres* chocolate puzzle heart.

*How to get a chocolate puzzle heart.

Say it with Salmon Provençal and a Chicken Leg*.

*Maybe not.

I asked my buddy, Coco, a certified vixen of the heterosexual persuasion, to share any of her tales of man-woman Valentine’s Day joy.  Allow me to hand the keyboard to my pal.

Coco: VD.  Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday.  Venereal Disease is a gynecologist’s holiday.

Thank you for that insight Coco.  Embedded below is a video Coco shot while hanging halfway out her narrow bathroom window of my sidekick, Greg, standing on her fire escape playing , My Funny Valentine, on his saxophone.  Enjoy and here in Lame Adventure-land we hope you share our gift of music along with candy, flowers and of course, that crowd-pleaser, Salmon Provençal and Chicken Legs, with your Special Someone.

27 responses to “Lame Adventure 277: Funny Valentines

  1. Snoring Dog Studio

    Oh, dear. Is that day coming up again??! Tivo has all but spared me the agony of Jared and other disgusting and annoying jewelry commercials. But I still have to be at work, walking past the bouquets. Is it not cruel that there’s a day during the year that highlights the alone-ness of some of us?


  2. I have always loved Valentine’s day. Okay- so sue me. I have pressed friends to drive me around so I could hand deliver hand made Valentine’s back when I lived in the big apple.
    Other than the customary expensive flowers, chocolates et al-
    for me, it’s a treat to let someone I know that I care about them. Okay, sentimentality runs big in me for sure- but what better opportunity to find an original way to share the love……


  3. Aww…will you be my Valentine, punkin???


  4. The instant he kissed me, that night would end up on my blog — if I weren’t so stunned. Salmon Provençal and chicken legs — hmm, maybe a name for a new blog. Anyway, the salmon Provençal sounds delicious — I’ll have to look for recipe. Meanwhile, thanks for the humorous treat and Greg’s serenade. Happy Valentine’s Day!


  5. Love the Grandma story!


  6. I doubt we’ll even go out for Valentine’s Day, but Sara is a hell of a cook, so that might be better. Sorry VD won’t be great for you again this year, but, hell, something could develop in the next week, right?


    • Yes, Kathy, it’s come across in your blog several times that Sara is quite a chef Sometimes I wear a bib when your site goes foodie. As for my VD, who knows what the future holds, but rumor has it that I’m getting my book back — probably bounced off my head.


  7. been a bit busy, sugar, so i’m catching up here. props to greg and his sax! we loved it! xoxox


  8. Christiane Lieberman

    loved that fella’s sax playing – beautiful tone. thanks!

    [somehow found your blog via a nyt yoga article+comments i think… you were declining the risk of trying yoga and sticking with walking etc, i loved the tenor of your style so followed the link… am an ex new yorker currently in melbourne having spent 40 years in scotland and well into my 60s increasingly nostalgic for the ‘ny’ feel of things… Re yoga, I am an on-again off-again sometime-practitioner over 30 years now, and can say that the only thing that i trust is Iyengar yoga, and even that, only with the right teacher – they are seriously trained, but I only trust the ones who have had serious body issues and/or injuries themselves – and gotten better with / through the yoga. Classes in church halls with wee lassies having done short trainings and earning pin-money by ‘teaching’ yoga, are a health hazard and I too have hurt my back going to (usually one only!) such classes. Now I can’t do classes (complex needs from arthritis and old injuries) and am having 1:1 sessions with a genius teacher here and can’t tell you how much i am benefitting. At least I can gently practise a few poses on my own at home and build it into my life, and get ‘correction’ at the next lesson, and the things I can do now which I couldn’t 6 months ago are astonishing. Sometimes doing less, and definitely with less effort and with lots of props, sometimes just lying on props being supported by them, is amazingly therapeutic in the hands of a wise careful compassionate Iyengar yoga teacher. Probably they are few and far between but I’d guess the chances of finding one of them is better than being with a Special One on VD!!

    All the best,



    • That’s so sweet of you to drop by Lame Adventure-land Chris. Yes, I’m the one that’s yoga-shy especially since nothing in my fragile middle aged body is aching, straining or hurting (much) these days, so why mess with things? That said, I so appreciate you taking the time to dish some yoga advice. 1:1 sessions with a genius teacher sounds like the most ideal way to do yoga. I will keep that in mind should I ever get serious about giving it a shot again (I did do it so long ago I think Jimmy Carter was still president). My saxophone playing sidekick Greg appreciates the compliment. If you have a chance, and you ever think about making a return visit to this site, I urge you to check my About page. You don’t have to waste your time reading all the crap I’ve written. Just check out his lovely take on Happy Birthday. I’ve embedded a video he and I made together last spring. All the best to you, too!


  9. Oh MY GOD. I haven’t read a Valentine’s Day post that has ever cracked me up this much. “Special Someone-less” and “checked my inner melancholy-o-meter, with 1 being “good riddance” and 10 being “suicidally depressed…” OH! That was just awesome. Your entire first paragraph cracked me up. And you’re right I’m constantly reminded to celebrate this day and it never turns out like those Hallmark commercials, more like an episode of something airing on Comedy Central. Thanks for the laughs my friend, it helps kicks this flu’s ass.


  10. I came over here from Susie’s party… I can’t resist a post like yours…


  11. LOVE this! Hahaha! At first I was like, how did I miss a post of hers on the 8th????? 2012!!!
    So funny and love the serenade!
    Have a much more fun Valentine’s Day!!!!


    • I’ve been too swamped with My Manhattan Project, Susie, to write anything new. It’s crunch-time over here, buddy. Happy Valentine’s Day back at you! Yeah, my sidekick plays an excellent sax. Today’s his 30th b-day. He’s on vacation this week.


  12. BAHAHAHA! So many great big laughs here. thanks! I just popped over from Susie’s wild partayyy! She does know how to throw a great bash.
    Love your blog voice!


  13. Hello! Susie sent me. Wonderfully engaging post! 🙂


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