Lame Adventure 25: Suffering the Stupids

Elsbeth calls me into her office to assist her in writing six emails of a confidential tile-related nature.  I will reveal that if there are three words in the English language that could compel my boss to go Ninja in a nanosecond, blue, pink and green would be the winners these days.   As we are writing and rewriting, Elaine, our Marketing Director, pops in and announces, “Sharon Stone is in the showroom!”  I joke sarcastically, “Hold me back!”  Then, I return my attention to the task at hand.

Elsbeth says, “If you want to go down there to see her, go ahead.”  I say, “Nah, let’s get this over with.”  Elsbeth insists – note, insists, “Are you sure?  Go down there.  We’ll finish this when you return.”  I repeat, “Nah, let’s get this over with.”

Yes, my boss twice suggested I stargaze and twice I said, “Nah, let’s get this over with.”

If I worked for a horrible boss, somebody life-sucking, demeaning and hateful, I could scream, “That goddamn bitch kept me tied to my chair while Sharon Stone was lying on the floor in our showroom looking at a mountain of tile I invested years of my life labeling while paparazzi were staked outside!  How fucked up is that?  This was a gift from the gods blogpost, but I got screwed because I work for Satan!  My boss is ruining my life!”

No, I can’t say any of that.  Elsbeth probably wanted to see her herself, but since we were working, she was hoping I would be inclined to say, “Sure! Let’s both go, Boss!”  In fact, if I had a single functioning brain cell at that moment, maybe, just maybe, I could have compelled Elsbeth, who could be a professional photographer, to have taken the gotcha! shot of the year for my blog, but what do I do?

I suffer the stupids!

Possibly, Elsbeth would have said in response to my photograph request, “Are you out of your mind?  She’s a customer.  I’m the owner!  Do you want us to lose business?”  Therefore, I could have asked Greg, my sidekick, to take that gotcha! shot for me.  Afterward, as I am flogging myself numb over this, Greg – who had no idea that Sharon Stone was in the building — says, “Sure, I would have done it – had you asked.”

Determined to bring my masochism to the next level of humiliation, the final one being writing this post, I reveal to Milton that Sharon Stone visited the showroom today.  He’s thrilled and gushes, “How did she look?”  I grimace, and admit, “I didn’t see her.  Elaine told me about it … Elsbeth even encouraged me to check her out.”  Milton looks horrified, “Why didn’t you do it?”  Lamely, I admit, “I was thinking about tile.”  <sigh>

Sharon Stone while filming "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" near my place of employ.