Tag Archives: hallucinations

Lame Adventure 408: Hearing Things, Smelling Things, Seeing Things

It was bound to happen at some point in this winter of apparently endless snow: it’s playing tricks on what’s left of my mind. I seem to be in a perpetual snow-induced delirium. For example, I’ve been hearing things at The Grind: groaning and moaning in the walls as well as invisible pigeons cooing outside. Sometimes I hear hammering. I’m not sure if that’s in the walls, if it’s outside or maybe it’s inside my head? My colleague, Godsend, hears none of this. She has smelled things I cannot sniff. Sometimes gas, other times toast. She thinks I’m suffering aural hallucinations and predicts that I’ll be seeing things next.

Me: Oh, hardy, har, har. [pause] Hey, who’s that in the back of the room?

Godsend looks.

Godsend: Athena!

Athena is our industrial designer who’s worked with us almost two years.

Me: I know Athena! My mind’s not that shot. I just want to know who’s the guy near her that looks like Benjamin Franklin. Sheesh!

One thing I was certain I saw were two pigeons conjugating the verb on an air conditioner across from our building.

Me: Hey, Godsend, check out the pigeons screwing on the a/c!

Godsend: I don’t want to see pigeon porn!

Well, maybe you do.

This magic moment.

This magic moment.

A nano-second later: "Hey, do you happen to have a cigarette?"

A nano-second later: “Do you have a cigarette?”

On the way into The Grind on Monday, I recognized the graffiti smeared on the 2 Express train’s door. It’s not like it was very memorable graffiti, nor was it in the forefront of my thoughts since whenever it was that I last saw it, a period of time between 24 hours and 24 days earlier. For some reason, it stuck in my head.

Monogram in coffee, dried blood or was that once gravy?

Monogram in coffee, gravy or dried blood?

Subway rider who failed to read the memo that wearing ballet flats in 21 degree weather will not induce spring.

Subway rider who failed to read the memo that wearing ballet flats in 21 degree weather will not induce spring.

Recently, I saw one of my former next-door neighbors on the street, almost a year after he moved out. I made sure not to say hello. Why start acting friendly when we never acknowledged each other during the year he was singing loud and off-key through our shared wall? I may have said on more than one occasion at the top of my lungs:

Me: Please, shut the hell up! You’re torturing me!

One welcome sight I’m sure I glimpsed was this miniature Frosty on a brownstone’s stoop.

"I love this cold weather!"

“I love this cold weather!”

I thought it was a very New York City touch to use pennies for his eyes and belly button. If there’s any city in the country where people are inclined to throw money around, this is that place.

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Lame Adventure 303: Am I Hallucinating?

The short answer to that question is, “That’s always a possibility.” I was sitting at my desk at work effectively feigning consciousness when I looked up at the shelf over my computer and saw a rainbow.

Looking up under the rainbow.

I thought:

Me (thinking):  Holy crap!  What’s this about?

If Judy Garland started singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow on the iPod in my mind I would have accepted the possibility that I was likely suffering a flashback from some chemical I may have ingested in my past.  I highly doubted that the English Breakfast tea I was sipping at that moment after polishing off a cup of Life cereal in skim milk would have triggered any visions other than my constant craving for a bagel.

Cinnamon raisin bitch goddess.

Since there is supposed to be a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, I was prompted to look behind my desk to see what was there.  Curious, I peeked behind my monitor, half expecting an encounter with the Lucky Charms leprechaun.  Rather than finding a vessel overflowing with riches or a silo full of noxiously sweet cereal, I only saw a sobering sight; a piece of cement floor tile in the foreground and bright sunshine bouncing off a CD behind it.

Reality bites.

The CD was the source reflecting rainbow colors on the shelf above.  That brought my day tripping to an abrupt end, until I recalled a popular song from my youth sung by my fellow traveler, Lesley Gore.  It features sunshine, rainbows eventual tooth decay and can probably lead to alcoholism if heard often enough.