Lame Adventure 297: Très chouette

I was walking down Franklin Street in Tribeca near my place of employ when I was distracted from my three favorite topics of mindless thinking – sex, food, and longing for the weekend, by an intriguing window display from an eclectic retailer I have easily blown past hundreds of times called Urban Archaeology.

Hey, look up!

This place is a New York institution that sells elegant bath accessories and high-end lighting to the 1%, but what I think is most cool about them is their collection of architectural salvage.  Years ago when Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone’s vault on live TV and only found some cigarette butts and gum wrappers, it was probably because this place discreetly got there first.  If there is one retailer in the entire world where you could find the original wheel, this is the place that would have it.

What have we here?

We have this.

The cable TV network Showtime had ten designers in ten cities design specifically themed displays in exclusive store windows to celebrate the second season series premiere of The Borgias on Easter Sunday, April 8.  New York’s theme is Decadence and it’s won my vote for best in show.  This window’s designer, Todd Moore, did a spot-on job conveying extreme excess in a sensual blood-red and gleaming gold setting.

Lounging around.

No room for rubber duckies here.

The gold doubloon sprinkled on the marble floor was another nice detail.

Not foiled chocolate. I tried to eat one. Nearly broke a tooth.

Thoughtfully considering the Catholic elements of the series, that luxurious bedpost is actually a wrought iron gate once used at St. Patrick’s Cathedral.  An Urban Archaeology exclusive, it can be yours for a $195,000 blessing.

$195,000 gate doubling as bed post. Pocket change. I'll take two.

Of course, my friends had their nits to pick.  After awarding the display his seal of holy approval, Milton slammed his critic’s gavel on the series and pronounced it:

Milton:  Not that good.

It’s equally possible that Milton could have declared it:

Milton (take 2): Not that bad.

I suggest this because he’s very aware that I can no longer afford premium cable stations on my featherweight wages, so I’m inclined to give the series sight unseen the benefit of the doubt.  Coincidentally, I also kneel at the altar of the actor, Jeremy Irons.

Jeremy and me (look closely).

My former colleague, The Quiet Man, who is now a Massachusetts-based escape artist, has never tuned into the series but he also granted the window display an upturned thumb.  He suggested one improvement:

The Quiet Man: Replace the mannequin with a real woman.

As for me, I’m thinking that bishop’s mitres might be making a comeback now, so I better get mine out of the dry cleaner’s fast.

If you’d like to see the other windows and possibly follow the Lame Adventures lead and vote for Decadence click here.

Vote Decadence today!

Voters are also automatically entered into a sweepstakes to live like a Borgia for five nights (guess you’ll want to sleep all day) in Venice, Italy.

24 responses to “Lame Adventure 297: Très chouette

  1. customers of this store shit gold. It’s true. It’s science.


  2. “The original wheel.” :-)) My friend, R (Robert) buys and sells such objects.

    The mitre (which might make interesting subway commuter wear) brings to mind that Seinfeld episode where George was dating a woman of Greek heritage and therefore decided to join the Greek Orthodox church. “Why do you want to become Greek Orthodox?” asked the priest. “Because I like the hats,” said George.

    I, too bow at the altar of Jeremy Irons. Not able to afford premium cable (I already pay $50/mo. for the 3 shows I watch), I plan to rent Series One via Nitwits (those people who mail out DVDs in those blood-red envelopes). I will watch the series just to see him.


  3. beverly halliday

    Used to work on Franklin St. Now i live in the sticks, stones, trees, rocks etc. I’m missing all the good stuff. Thanks for keeping me just a little tuned in.


    • But on the upside life on Cold Mountain does give you the space to maintain your personal petting zoo. You can’t complain about that! No way could all your critters fit in your old cramped Manhattan apartment. The only life source other than me in my thumbnail sized garret is the water bug that comes up from the drain and visits me in July.


  4. What a totally cool place. Not “lame” at all! You’re fallin’ down on the job, V! I want lame, my friend! LOL


  5. OK, and maybe front page of the NY Times.


  6. Hi all- I so appreciate the kudos and the pithy descriptions. You really nailed what I was going for! x Todd Moore, Window Designer (Decadence, The Borgias, 2nd Season)
    PS VOTE !!! for you/me/nyc !


  7. The price-tag of that ex-gate now bed-post is unbelievable. You could buy a whole house for that in some parts of the world. I love the Tribeca part of NY.


    • You are correct, but hey, doesn’t transforming a piece of St. Patrick’s Cathedral into a bed post scream, “Decadence”? Thanks for visiting Lame Adventures-land and taking the time to comment!


  8. Speaking of mitres, I am reminded of a story a friend of mine once told me when we were both struggling youngsters working as junior copy editors (read proof readers) at a DC area Think Tank. As a gay man, I guess he was allowed to tell this joke with quite a bit of verbal flourish that I would be precluded from re-telling at this juncture dare I be accused of a bias crime…but…I digress. To wit, the joke: As the bishop walked down the main aisle of the cathedral, his incense boat a few feet from the marble floor billowing pungent aromatic clouds of smoke, a visitor to the cathedral says to him as he passes by his pew, I just LOVE the hat, but I believe your purse is on fire.

    Sorry that I didn’t have anything more to add to your post. I do have premium cable, but I am not inclined to watch the Borgias. I believe Mr. Irons to be an excellent actor, but as an Italian catholic living in New Jersey I got my fill of scheming Mediterraneans from The Sopranos.


  9. I tried to watch the show but then there was a horrible scene where this guy had sex with this lady and then killed her. No thanks. Oh the window design is lovely, though!


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