I wear many hats in my department aside from my actual job as Minister of Tile Labeling. I am also Minister of Printer Repair, Minister of Replacing the Copier Paper, Minister of Unjamming the Fax Machine, Minister of Kleenex and Tylenol Replacement, Minister of Paper Recycling, Minister of Picking Up Crap on the Rug that No One Else Will Do On Their Own Volition, to name just some of my many illustrious ministries. In fairness to my sidekick, Greg, he is Minister of Band-aid replacement, Minister of Door Jamb Control, Minister of Freezer Defrosting and Minister of Coffee Brewing. Recently, my superior, Elsbeth, has added Minister of Morale to my ever-growing list of ministries. She has requested that as spiritual leader of our department I set forth an example of worker-pride that will have my colleagues, Greg and (not) Under Ling (anymore), merrily follow like lambs to the slaughter. She did not suggest how I accomplish this feat so I have been left to my own devices.
Recently, Greg mentioned that he heard that if a steak were soaked in Coca-Cola, this elixir’s corrosive properties would cause the meat to dissolve. This idea captivated (not) Under Ling (anymore). In reality Coke has been trying for years to dispel this myth along with others and they address rumors about their product on their web site. In 1950 a Cornell University professor, Clive McCay, testified before the U.S. House of Representatives that the combination of sugar and phosphoric acid in Coke destroys teeth. He observed that over the course of 48 hours, Coke can completely dissolve a tooth. Coke countered that no one has ever held Coke in their mouth for 48 hours straight and that saliva neutralizes the acids in Coke and other acidic foods such as orange juice, something equally corrosive (just ask my gastroenterologist who will not let me and my weak guts anywhere near a three block radius of o.j.). Back in the day, the president of Coca Cola, Bill Robinson, was so defensive about his product not promoting tooth decay in children he claimed, “The only way our product could harm children would be for a case of Coke to fall out a window and hit them.”
This conversation prompted Someone That Sounds a Lot Like Me to bleat:
Someone That Sounds a Lot Like Me: What a ridiculous waste of a steak! Who thinks up this crap?
Undaunted, the discussion continued and someone, possibly Someone That Sounds a Lot Like Me, suggested:
Someone That Sounds a Lot Like Me: It kind of makes you wonder what would happen if a Twinkie was soaked in Coke.
(not) Under Ling (anymore): We should do that and find out!
Seizing this opportunity to open the passageway to heightened morale I invested $3.59 in a package of Twinkies and two cans of Coca Cola, one regular and the other, diet.
(not) Under Ling (anymore) immediately announced that she wanted to soak her Twinkie in regular Coke. Always the gentleman, Greg announced:
Greg: Go for it.
Illustrated below is a completely unscientific experiment conducted over the course of 6 ½ hours. (not) Under Ling (anymore) chose to pour her can of regular Coke into the glass first. Then, she dunked her Twinkie into the brew.
Greg chose to place his Twinkie in the glass first and then he poured his can of Diet Coke over it, saturating it from the get-go.
Both Twinkies were immediately saturated with Coke to the touch, and Greg, who licked his finger announced (in response to the Twinkie in Diet Coke):
Greg: Tastes like mint.
Me: Really, not like chicken?
(not) Under Ling (anymore): No way am I tasting that!
We changed locations should any uninvited guests enter the premises and ask questions.
We resisted inhaling from this point on.
In conclusion, both sponge cakes remained only partially submerged throughout the 6 1/2 hours, never entirely sinking until Greg mixed them at the end of the day. This proved to us that they were more sponge than cake, but not nearly as appetizing as a sponge. The end result is that worker curiosity was satisfied and worker morale was easily uplifted an entire millimeter.
Again, I haven’t mastered the art or leaving a comment via my BB and, therefore, had to subject myself to the visual evidence of your experiment.
Let me again propose a departure from the much-maligned Hostess Twinkie and a move to the under-appreciated Suzy-Q.
I also wish to register a complaint against the addition of physical force (stirring) to experiment. I am notifying the American Society of Concerned Scientists regarding this obvious breach of scientifice protocol. Note that none of the earlier claims against Coke discussed the stirring or maceration of the object(s) dwelling in the solution. And I am also glad to know that nobody is making claims about the ill effects of my drink of choice, Diet Pepsi.
Thanks for the amusing lift on a dreary Monday.
Under ideal conditions, we would have allowed our Twinkies to soak undisturbed over the weekend but our go-to source of advice, our Magic 8 Ball, failed to tip us off that Our Leader was going to come in late today. Alas, a missed opportunity! Glad to have provided a little lunacy to start your week.
Looking at these pictures again, I am thankful that I didn’t take up the dare to drink the end result.
Oh, give me a break. You know you have the intestinal fortitude of a goat! When I was your age, I could drink nails. They tasted like Tang.
I am not sure that even Tang, the drink that went to the moon, even tastes like Tang any longer. Alas.
Well, you know, Mike, you’re probably right, but nothing lasts forever except death, taxes and the Chicago Cubs never reaching the World Series.
Of course, there are other uses for Coke:
I’ve also heard that it can be used for cleaning corrosion of car battery terminals and that eggshells and pennies can be dissolved in it.
Thanks for sharing the list, Jeremy. Coke is high on the Do Not Eat list that my gastroenterologist gave me. No wonder.
Of course I have better things to do with my time than read about this fascinating experiment — but this was far more interesting — all consuming, so to speak.
This leads me to wonder just exactly how this concoction would look in one’s stomach. I’ll let my imagination keep me from making that test.
Thanks for an uplifting, as it were, morning — far more enticing than finding out exactly why banks hide their routing numbers from depositors, other than on checks (especially when you’ve used your last one). It’s MY money; why keep the routing number a secret from me? Ah, but that’s one for the dunkers at the bank.
Possibly the third to last picture when Greg mashed the Twinkie into chunks in the regular Coke hints at what it might look like as it eats away at one’s intestines. Glad this post went down easier than your banking hassles.
Seriously. I should send them a copy.
I hope you mean send them a copy of this post — that will make them suffer!
Thank God the company has someone who likes to drown Hostess snack cakes as its Minister as Morale. Next, I want to know what happens to Ho-Ho in Coke–Sara’s favorite food/beverage combo.
I’m speechless! Your Significant Other, a renowned (at least in your blog) chef, and what I always thought, consummate foodie, is a closet Ho-Ho/Coke imbiber? I’m shuddering! Even when I bought that package of Twinkies the clerk gave me the stink eye knowing full well that I was up to something. For a moment I thought I was going to be banned from making the purchase. Fortunately, I live in New York where money always talks. Even $1.59.
I’m not sure how this will paste here… but let’s give it a try. If it doesn’t work, here’s the URL for a dozen or so “Ads you’ll never see again” with the Cola ad in the middle.
OK… neither the pasting NOR the URL seems to be the answer here. Nancy, I’m Cantiloper over on the Gmail system and if you send me an email I’ll forward you an enjoyable mail in return that includes a nice addition for this particular Lame Adventure.
Hey Michael, is this the link you were suggesting?
Well. I’d never bathe my Twinkie in Coca Cola. I’ll let you figure out if I meant a Twinkie, the tasty Hostess treat, or something else.
My guess is … You meant something else, you wicked one!
I would stay away from carbonated beverages if that IS the case. Nutella or Fluff could provide an alternative if one has a sweet tooth.
I’ve never had much of a sweet tooth. When I was a kid my siblings and I were always given hollow chocolate hares wrapped in foil for Easter. My brother and sister would inhale theirs in seconds flat. I wouldn’t touch mine. Aesthetically, I was content with just looking at my bunny. No matter how much my sibs would try to bribe me with quarters (“I’ll give you a quarter per ear!”) I wouldn’t let those two barbarians near mine. We had one of my rabbits sitting locked in my mother’s china cabinet for at least ten years.
If you prefer, “I don’t have much of a sweet tooth.”
Interesting-this done on company time? I hope so-I would;
Of course it was, George!
To keep the morale up in the department, as requested by the boss.. you guys should do weekly experiments! 😉 We would love to read and see more! Btw – love the lighting in the images.. gives it a dramatic effect.
Ling! So nice to hear from you, buddy! If you still graced company premises we’d be all over you and your excellent baking skills to take on this recipe to RECREATE Twinkies:
Glad the lighting rocked your world. Does give our experiment a bit of a film noir effect, eh?