Lame Adventure 280: Common Stupidity

Possibly this has something to do with me being a jaded New Yorker with only a thimble full of hope for the human race, but when I exited my modest dwelling to confront the day I was immediately greeted by this sight cluttering the hallway.

Brownstone blight.

Sights like this reinforce my belief that common stupidity has overtaken common sense.

I am not a particularly strong woman physically.  In addition, I’m short, extremely nearsighted, and practically everything makes me sneeze.  Then, there is the problem with my ears.  They’re in bad shape.   Following one of my early acts of intimacy with my Special Someone I felt her breath in the right one.  I suspected there was more than breathing going on over there.

Me:  Hey, did you just say something?

SS (slightly shouting):  Yeah, I said your hearing’s not that bad!

I conjured my best “what made you think that right now” facial expression, the one that slightly resembles a camel digging out something stuck between its cheek and gum with its tongue.

Me (semi-stunned):  You think?

She said something in response that I did not catch and it really was not the time that I wanted to discuss my deficient hearing, but I am quite sure she instantly revised her thinking about my deafness.  I suspect she is now fully aware that I am nearing the point of being Helen Keller’s understudy.  It’s even possible that she’s already discussed this with me and I just didn’t hear her.  But I digress …

My point is that I am a minor, easy to ignore, innocuous player in The Game of Life, but I do have the capacity to break down packing boxes, tie them together with twine, lean them against a wall – and this is very important – a wall in my own home, and then take them outside my building to where the recycled trash goes instead of tossing them like two ill-fitting Russian nesting dolls in the communal hallway as my personal contribution to the proliferation of fire hazards and proof that I’m a thoughtless, clueless, lazy blemish on society incapable of picking up after myself.

[Insert pause for breath.]

After taking the above photograph I removed my motorcycle boots, tiptoed away in my socks, and scurried fleet of foot all the way to the subway station since I prefer to avoid conflict.

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17 responses to “Lame Adventure 280: Common Stupidity

  1. I think I would rather have that problem than the one I currently have in my building. On Friday & Saturday nights the elevator floors become puddles of alcohol. I wish my neighbors would spill in their own homes. Oh and throw up in them too, instead of the hallway.

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  2. Perhaps less minor with each post; I enjoyed this one: all you have to do is walk out your front door or, forbid, open the left side of the double doors to a convenience store while all the globe believes you are solely holding the door for them. They may have been born with common sense but somewhere along the hallway common sense flew out the window and what we are left with and imposed with is dull-wittedness.

    Thank you for reminding us we are not alone…

    R.

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  3. I’m afraid you are not alone. I’m beginning to think my hearing is going, as well. Sara may have even said this to me–but, of course, I didn’t hear it either. Love the image of your being Helen Keller’s understudy!
    Hugs,
    Kathy

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    • Well, I must admit I did blast my music in my long lost youth and when it was late I used to listen to it at a volume 11 while wearing headphones. Glad you like the image, but I’m sure someone special is thinking, “Hey, I’m not auditioning to be Anne Sullivan! Get a hearing horn!”

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  4. Oh, dear! Was that my soapbox there in the hallway — the rickety one Oscar Wilde helped me polish for my blog post “XLIX. The Age of Senility”?

    Or, had that cardboard in the hallway something to do with our substitute healthcare aide’s stating the other day, “We’re all born with common sense”? The logic behind this being, “I was born with common sense, therefore I can do whatever I want, because it’s only common sense.”

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  5. :-)))) Thx — will do so.

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  6. My mind went immediately to FAMILY GUY: “Prick up your Ears” episode…
    Lois Griffin: Meg Griffin, we need to have a talk
    [gasps]
    Meg Griffin: Mom!
    [hides under the covers with Doug]
    Lois Griffin: OH, MY, GOD!, you kids were doing it… in the EAR!
    Recycling is good, too….

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  7. so your gay-what happened to Melvin or whatever his name is?

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  8. Snoring Dog Studio

    Here in Idaho, we just carry these things out to the curb, mark them with the word, FREE, and the crap is gone in a New York minute. Yeah, pretty doggone lazy to not be able to break down cardboard. I guess you can be glad it wasn’t an old fridge.

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  9. Tried responding the morning you posted thisvia my BB, but I guess I am still slightly blog impaired. Much like your hearing. Loved this and luckily for me nobody was in the office early that morning as I nearly choked with laughter. Now back to ABC Family’s Harry Potter weekend.

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