Lame Adventure 209: Strange Beer-fellows

This is a public service announcement from Lame Adventures.  Although wine and sake are my alcoholic beverages of choice, I have been drinking much more beer as of late in order to pay my bills and make rent.  Last Thursday I was in Trader Joe’s on the Upper West Side when I noticed they had a brew called KBC Blueberry Wheat Ale.

The six-pack was on sale for $5.99, an even better price than the $14.99 I’ve been paying for a twelve-pack of Heineken.  I was more concerned about this being wheat ale and the thought of getting a raging yeast infection starting in the nether regions and rocketing up to my eyeballs I so irrationally feared the wheat in this beverage.  Then I reasoned that all beer is made with brewer’s yeast, so I told myself, “Relax.”

Oddly for me, my usual high degree of skepticism was completely dormant over what this ale might taste like.  In general I like ale, particularly Bass.  The fruit of choice, the blueberry, is one I like very much, too, particularly fresh blueberries atop the flavor-free organic wood shavings I eat for breakfast every morning at work.  Had the fruit been one I abhor such as the cantaloupe, I would have recoiled considering that as repulsive a flavor in ale as banana or prune.  I was also seduced by the price and reasoned even if it tasted lousy, the more I drank, the less lousy it would taste, reminiscent of Marlene Wackcrunch, a girl I dated in high school who physically brought to mind a platypus, but she was a great kisser, even more so when I was hammered on ale.  I also reasoned if KBC Blueberry Wheat Ale was indeed dreadful, I’d share it with my sidekick, Greg, who has far wider ranging taste in alcohol than I.  In fact, I would not be surprised if he eventually tells me that he’s downed shots of lighter fluid.  Hey, the guy’s a musician.

On Friday, I returned home from work, grabbed my first bottle of KBC Blueberry Wheat Ale, popped open the top, took a swig and nearly projectile spat it across the entirety of my sanctum sanctorum.  I was not mentally prepared for sweet-tasting suds that were so intensely blueberry flavored I thought I had just downed a pint of fresh fruit.  This is truly an ale that would go well with pancakes.  Until that moment, I had never considered pancakes and ale a couple.  Enlightening.  Disgusting.  I immediately grabbed a juice glass and poured a little in to see if this beverage was blue.  It wasn’t.

There was no way I was going to dump this fruit-flavored gag-inducing breakfast beverage concoction on Greg.  He would have truly needed a twelve-pack of Heineken to wash away the blueberry taste.  Over the course of the weekend, I somehow got all six bottles of KBC Blueberry Wheat Ale down thanks to a Secretariat-size dose of anesthesia I had administered to my taste buds.  Upon reflection, I would rate this beverage just a notch above Moviprep, a slimy, salty, lime-ish flavored colon cleanse often prescribed in preparation for a colonoscopy.  Buyer beware.

8 responses to “Lame Adventure 209: Strange Beer-fellows

  1. The blue windex martini of its day re that beer of yours!


  2. Go for the cheap wine at Trader Joe’s. Does the body good.


  3. So you didn’t like it? No really.
    But yeah… it’s true. Go buy a pack of sweet tarts. At least you know what you’re getting, right? Shame though… I really wanted to like this beer. Funny post. I laughed until I stopped.


  4. everyone is certainly entitled to their own thoughts and such, but I just finished one after finding it at Joe’s today & being a big fan of blueberries I quite enjoyed it. Not all beers have to taste like a Sam Adams. You want to slam something that is not a beer even though it’s called one check out a Coors light. I remember when I first drank some off a girl I knew years ago and I really thought it was a can of water – lol


    • Blueberry flavored beer is just too sweet for me; even the memory of quaffing that six pack still makes me gag. I am in complete agreement with you about Coor’s light — and I, too, had my first taste of that beer-flavored water on a camping trip. Never again … to both Coor’s and camping. I’m a city-slicker that requires a firm mattress and easy access to on site indoor plumbing. Thanks for visiting Wild Wilson!


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