Tag Archives: meryl streep

Lame Adventure 284: Handicapping the Oscars Lame Adventures-style

The buff guy's back.

First thing this morning (I was still in bed in a semi-coma), my four-days-shy-of-85 year-old father called.

Me (groggy):  Hey Dad.

Dad (enthusiastic): Who’s gonna win the Oscars tonight?  Don’t tell me you were sleeping – get the hell up!

Me: Probably The Artist.

Dad:  I saw The Artist.  I liked it!  I’m okay with that.  I also liked The Descendants and I liked Hugo; didn’t think I’d like that one, but I did!  It was damn good!  Did you see it?  Did you like it?

Me: Yes and no.

My father, as usual, ignores my response.

Dad: Did you see Iron Lady?  Meryl Streep was terrific!  But I hated that movie!  She should win it, but if you ask me, I’d also give it to that one that played in The Maid.  She was terrific, too!  And that was a damn good film!

Me (perking up):  You mean Viola Davis in The Help, right?

Dad: Yes!  The Help!  Did I call it The Maid?  [Insert aging male growling sound before getting second wind.] I like her!  Give it to her and the other one.

My buddy Milton shows his support for Viola with cake!

Me:  Octavia Spencer?

Dad:  Who?!  I’m talking about the other maid – the one that baked that pie!

Me:  I know who you’re referring to!  That actress’s name is Octavia Spencer!  She’s up for Supporting Actress.

Dad:  Oh!  Good.  Yeah, give it to her.  That way they both get one.  They deserve it.

Me:  Let’s hope our memo reaches the Academy in time.

Again, my father ignores me.

Dad:  Do you think George Clooney’s gonna get it?  I thought he was great!

Me:  It might go to Jean Dujardin, the guy in The Artist.

Dad:  You know what?  I’m okay with that!  I liked him, too.

Me: It’s between them [murmuring] and Uggie.

My father ignores me and changes the subject.

Classy lassie flaunting her unique brand of Oscar fever.

Post-script: For you serious Oscar-types, my dear buddy, Milton, sitting in his East Side man cave, has wrapped his noggin around this subject in a big way.  Check out his site and see if you agree with his opining.  Start an argument or send him cake!

Lame Adventure 19: What’s wrong with this picture?

There are times when all I need to do is enter my building’s vestibule, and there, a lame adventure, will be waiting.

This is for real.

Fortunately, this is not my mailbox, but I happen to know that the previous tenant who had that mailbox was Mamie Gummer.  Who’s that, you ask?  Try the actress-daughter of fourteen-time Academy Award nominated-loser, Meryl Streep.*  A very courteous young woman; Mamie held the door for me once and I thought, “Huh, that girl looks a helluva lot like Meryl Streep.”  Possibly, Mamie decided she could no longer bear residing in a building where the letter carrier slammed the mailbox shut on the mail.  Well, I continue to live in this building, and there are times when my mail looks like whoever placed it in my mailbox did so with a plunger. What happened to the art of delivering mail?

Pictured below is Leon E. Jones – the Rembrandt of letter carriers.

Leon radiating excellence.

For more years than I care to reveal, Leon delivered my mail with dedication and consistency.  His was one of the first numbers I input into my cellphone back in 2000, Leon was so vital to my well-being.  I had always vowed that I would move by the time he retired, but I also vowed I would move to Canada both times George W. Bush became president.  This proves that my vows are hollow, for I have yet to even visit Canada and I am now the third longest residing tenant in my building.  Leon the Lion of Letter Carriers retired in 2006, and I remain, living here in the era of the inferior delivery.

A portrait of pathetic.

*In anticipation of hearing from my fellow movie maniacs, I am aware that Meryl’s been nominated a total of sixteen times and has won twice, but can any of you, aside from Milton, take The Lame Adventures Challenge and name the films where she scored her victories off the top of your head(s)?