I reside and work in New York City where I am a common, modestly paid office drone battling to maintain consciousness while overseeing floor and wall tile retail showroom displays. This is what NYU would prefer one does not do with an illustrious film school degree. That’s me in this blog’s banner shooting out of a cannon across the Central Park Reservoir. Flying across the park when no one is looking is what I do in my spare time. I hate that Ann Taylor Loft-type outfit that I’m wearing, but when I asked Ling, the graphic designer who created my banner pro bono to make me look more like me, i.e., clad in a black tee shirt, jeans and Jack Purcell sneakers, she said, “That will cost you.” Then, The Voice of Reason inside my head opined in a squeaky cheap tone, “Hey, at least you’re not wearing a dress.”
Essentially, I am an economic downturn motivated humorist. When the economy thrived, I wrote little more than my name on a bar tab. Following the collapse of the economy, my company laid off much of the staff and reduced the wages of those that remain employed by 20%. In response to my radically reduced income, and the scarcity of part time jobs to supplement my lost wages, I considered one of two paths, weathering this storm in a drunken haze while practicing the Kama Sutra with mammals of various species of my own gender, or applying those watering hole funds towards catching a few films at the New York Film Festival and the occasional Broadway play. I chose the latter; even though that means I was last this sober at age eleven. To fill the significant amount of down time between films and theater, I have commenced writing short humor based on my own true, but often embellished, Lame Adventures.
Any similarities to persons living or dead mentioned in Lame Adventures is purely intentional, but all names have been changed so no one thus far is too pissed off.
Published Lame Adventures:
Lame Adventures: Unglamorous Tales From Manhattan — Create Space
Bag Battle — Humor Press
Lame Adventures 
well is that YOU flying over the reservoir???
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I like the bio.
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I found your blog through your link on a NYT article comment. I love your humor and writing style. Hilarious!
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Thanks for the compliment, JP. The Old Gray Lady’s been very good to Lame Adventures Woman!
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You’re hilarious in a wonderful sad way. Keep up the good work.
Scallywag
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Thanks Scallywag! Pass the word that I’m multipurpose — funny and depressing.
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Is there a way to turn on an RSS feed for this blog, so I don’t miss any? Thanks for the chuckles.
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When it comes to trying to make use of a film degree (Hunter College in my case) you are not alone, I am in the struggle as well. But passion can still allow us to win the good fight for a creative life. Nice blog!
-Jason
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Thanks Jason!
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I too, read a simple-yet-cute NYTimes comment you left (MakerBot!) and was inspired enough by the word “singe” to see who was behind the use of such a word in a comments comment. I love your writing. But what I’ve realized while reading some of it is how much where you grew up plays into how you connect with the way other people think and express themselves. I was born and raised in NY, but lived for 20 years in SF. Now I am traveling abroad, but when I read thoughtfully constructed thoughts from someone back “home”, I feel like I’m cuddled in the lap of proverbial grandma on the lounge chair as I eat some of her home made chocolate, smell the familiar smells and hear that damn dog barking from afar. All exhale, no breath holding.
So thanks for your bits of home made chocolate. Yum.
My OEM consultant friend says I should include this: http://www.allencraigphotography.com Sorry.
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Thanks for the compliment and thoughtful reflections, Allan. Gee, this is a first for live-wire, arrested development, non-breeder me — to feel flattered about being compared to a grandmother. And are you telepathic, Kind Sir? I grew up in SF, but I’ve lived almost the entirety of my adult life in NYC. Also, thanks for sharing the link to your photography site. Nice eye!
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If only for the picture of you flying over Central Park, I’m subscribing to your blog. But your very funny blog posts AND (the way I discovered you) your comment to the NYT about BRIDESMAIDS alerted you to a possible like mind. I’m hoping you might be interested to hear about what some of the rest of us not willing or able to cut it in H’wood are doing.
Though my 1st feature was in competition at Sundance, I couldn’t get my second feature funded. Eventually, it metamorphosed into a cheaper, more modest version of itself in a comedy webseries (The Louise Log) about the inner life of a NYC wife/mother who has a high-maintenance husband, an addiction to caffeine and an over-active inner voice. Hoping you might take a look. On the episodes page, there are recommendations for where to start. (You don’t have to start with #1…but nor should you start with #22 or #23…
Thank you.
Best,
Anne
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Hi Anne, Thanks for subscribing to LA and for sharing the link to your webseries, The Louise Log. In some respects we are kindred spirits, but I’m more the type that forgets to remove the lens cap when I shoot. I’ve bookmarked your home page.
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I thoroughly enjoyed your Comment on TPP’s NYT blog–it was touching, hilarious, very thoughtful. I am in Pondicherry, India, far from my daughters, on Father’s Day, and can only hope they will remember me with a fraction of the warmth you express for your own dad.
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Thanks Adam!
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Oh! I found you through a comment on some newspaper spiel… and I absolutely love your random adventures! Please, post more! =]
Thank you for the inspiration & laughs! =]
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Hey Irena,
Thanks so much for visting me here in Lame Adventureland. I hope you do check back in. And yes, I am a notorious online newspaper commenter, a good/bad habit of mine. I’m humbled that you find my antics amusing and flattered that you find LA inspirational.
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Love this idea for a blog! I also really enjoyed reading all the names and characters in your life. Look forward to reading more!
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Thanks Jackie. I’d like to hear your banjo song whenever you post it on YouTube. Glad the name of your blog is not what’s literally going on in your life!
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I still want an LA name. Also, I gave you a Liebster Blog award. So suck it! And by suck it, I mean I heart your blog.
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Thanks for the seal of approval, Minx.
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Go Violets! I’m making sandwiches for a living these days–which I love, but I’m sure NYU would prefer I don’t mention my M.A. but I do make good sandwiches.
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Hey Maggie, I’ve checked out your site. Some of my closest friends also have degrees from N(ot) Y(et) U(seful). Your sandwiches look very tasty. Too bad they’re not available here in NYC! Thanks for visiting.
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I’m from NYC too. I wish I could see it through your eyes for a while.
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Hey bmj2k, just visit here whenever you feel like it. NYC tends to be this site’s star attraction.
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Thank you for being a resource when I need to smile. I needed it today more than I have in quite sometime, so thanks for being there.
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Hey Jessica, I’m flattered that my particular brand of silliness cheered you up! Thanks for visiting LA.
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Pretty good! Entertaining. You have a good eye for interesting things.
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Thanks for the flattery Paul and thanks for visiting LA. Come back whenever you’re in the mood for Gotham City silliness.
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Hello!
Any chance you would ever consider going on an adventure with me?
I love the above-average adventure and many times take great photos even when the whole excursion is an absolute failure…. Anyways, just a thought and a chance to say hi! I live pretty close and would welcome the chance to meet you!
Happy New Year!!
Dorothy
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Just read your post re: the writer who used to pour coffee and can’t seem to escape the label. Am now following your blog. You remind me of a dear friend from an earlier incarnation.
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That’s very sweet of you Mike G. Thanks! I thought Jason Diamond’s piece, The Barista’s Curse, was spot-on. I love the Townies series, but now that I’ve outted myself about that, The New York Times will probably discontinue it.
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saw the link to your blog on the comment section of the nyt article, quirky living alone. I wish i was still living in nyc. been 9 years. living alone in l.a. collecting unemployment. and do nothing all day. sleep at odd hours. fancy meals. run 4 miles. work out. do push ups. and go to bars, which is really getting boring.
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Well … that might be getting boring for you, Jesse, but it sounds pretty sweet to me! Thanks for stopping by Lame Adventure-land. Come back whenever you’re in the mood to waste time.
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Thanks for your comment on my story in the NY Times.
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Hey Thad, thank you for taking the time to visit my site. That’s so cool. I enjoyed reading The Mountain Man very much. It’s a very well crafted tale and I kept wondering what would happen next. Here’s the link to Thad’s story for anyone visiting Lame Adventures-land that would like to read work with style and substance:
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/11/the-mountain-man/
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Commiserated with your floss blog LA307. Been looking for that stuff for 7-8(?) weeks! And you might be interested in the antics…and sincere efforts of some old friends. http://www.flossing.org thanks.
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David, thanks for sharing. I was completely unaware that the day after Turkey Day is National Flossing Day, but what does that make the other 364/5 days of the year, Continue to Let Your Teeth Flounder days?
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I can’t believe I hadn’t visited your about page yet. Needless to say I love your description and voice … always at a crack-me-up level 🙂
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Thanks buddy!
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I saw the link to your blog when you commented on a story in the NYT. I love your sense of humor. Please keep writing!
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Thanks for the follow Kathleen J in Pittsburgh. The Old Gray Lady lets me gasbag a lot probably because they’ve plopped this site in with their Neediest Cases. Please keep reading — and commenting!
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I heart your blog! You are living the life I forgot to have although I am a Colgate-educated French major who’s now a receptionist. Back in the day I decided the title of my autobiography would be: “Ill Never Be Mary Tyler Moore.”
Love the Lame!
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I don’t know if you’d really want my life for I nearly broke a tooth biting into a plum with a pit that’s the size of an elephant’s left nut and after peeing for the twelfth time today, I realized that I put on my underwear inside out this morning. The Lame Adventures just keep on coming as long as I breath fresh Gotham City soot. Thanks for the follow, the heart and the comment Flowers make me sneeze.
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Well I shouldn’t have given you the pink flowers that you will never wear. I have those pink flowers in pots on my deck but I don’t know what they are. I have two chipped teeth. You can’t really see the chip but you can feel it. No, feel it, front tooth, it’s right there! see?
Chipped teeth are the mark of true genius.
I miss the UWS, my sister used to live on 82nd between Columbus and Amsterdam. Love that ‘hood. Can’t believe she moved to Denver, what about my needs?
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My sister, Dovima, had the decency to stay put in the SF Bay Area so I get to freeload off her and my bro-in-law, Herb (with a silent H), a few times every year. Their dog, Thurber, plays with me, and their almost-woman-child, Sweet Pea, is assigned to talk to me. I’m sorry that your sister left Paradise for Denver but at least she didn’t move to Cucamonga (yet; you might want to call her about that soon).
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Hi LA, I’m just having a rummage through some earlier posts, and noticed your About page. I see you have a good cast of characters to work with… I may need to add one of those to my pages, although a lot of my cast are imaginary or made up people. Sometimes, I think I’m imaginary or made up too, so that’s not a problem. And some of them aren’t even people, so there you go.
Just noticed your alter ego there… your secret identity… would you prefer being referred to as Nancy rather than LA? Just thought I’d ask being the polite Brit that I am, although not that polite apparently, as I abbreviated your screen name the moment I read it!
Not that your adventures are lame, I must add, they’re good. Very good in fact.
Thanks for a fun blog!
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Nice to see you over on this side of the silliness Tom. Continue to call me LA or you can call me V (as my friends often do). Yes, I know what a polite Brit you are and I’m very familiar with your characters. What, Walpole’s not puttering around right now in middle earth under New York State?!? Be well with the hair gel buddy!
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Great job yesterday Nancy! Take today to rest your counting fingers. Hope you and your pendulum have a great remainder of the Labor Day weekend.
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Great job back at you Maggie! It was fun and I had to acknowledge your clever nod to Dickens even though I’m essentially an illiterate. Hey, you can call me V.
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I am starting with this page first on my archival of LA. I keep missing everyone’s about page.. dumbass that I am. Enjoyed the back story
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You might call yourself dumbass Audra. I call you a devoted reader, buddy!
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Just checking to see if you’re ok.
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I’m okay. I emailed you at home.
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Good to hear that Sandy didn’t get the best of you.
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I’m saving that for when I meet Miss World.
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Hope she’s able to understand what you are saying.
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Happy Thanksgiving! You are past due for a post. Just sayin’.
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Hey Maggie! I was just thinking about you, buddy — and left a comment over at your site! I know, I know, LA is way overdue for a new post but I’ve been working on my “Manhattan Project” and it’s taking longer than I anticipated. This may sound like a phony excuse for actually lying around in a hammock while throwing a string ball up and down, but I will announce what I’ve been doing when it’s done. I do hope to return to LA soon. Adventures have been happening and it is a bit frustrating not sharing them with my loyal following of seven. Happy Turkey Day back at you, pal!
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I’m so happy to have randomly found your blog. I, too, was a film school graduate (CalArts if you must know) and have weathered many economic downturns (no need to say how many) and live in Brooklyn (I know, you WILL forgive me, right?).
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Gee, that’s very kind of you, Heidi.
There’s nothing to forgive about living in Brooklyn! Some of my best friends live there and I would, too, if I ever lose my sweet deal here in Manhattan. Economic Downturn could almost be my middle name.
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I love that photo! I really like your writing style too. I found myself chucking out loud while reading this. I look forward to reading future posts.
Thanks for putting a smile on my day. 🙂
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Getting shot out of a canon over the Central Park Reservoir is one way to avoid riding public transit. Thanks for the follow!
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I’ve nominated you for an award. Check it out. http://lifeonwry.com/2013/05/07/feeling-lucky/
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Thanks.
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Thanks for following! I shall continue to chase the lottery in the hopes of pursuing the One Million Chia Pet MoMA Installation. . .
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An installation that would be destined for MoMA’s fourth floor no doubt.
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I was thinking every floor.
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Now that would be a first, an exhibit taking up MoMA’s every floor!
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Oh my goodness I love this!! Definitely following and cannot wait for your updates!
<3, Charlotte
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Thanks Charlotte. Nice to meet you!
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To the NYT article about dog hotel-spas, “Now Checking In: Pampered Pets” you commented, “Although there is a side of me that encompasses about 99.9% of my being that finds this over the top pet fawning obscene, that 0.1% of me is screaming, ‘Who are you to judge?’ If some fat cat can afford to treat their dog like a member of the 1%, that is their privilege and the money they spend contributes to working stiffs being employed.” While we like dogs our percentages match yours (although we pass on your vision of Reganesque trickle down capitalism).
So our brain was briefly in a knot on reading here that you considered “practicing the Kama Sutra with mammals of various species of [your] own gender,” and we wondered if one of those species might be dogs. Having been made to experience that many years ago we think that the dogs did not like it any more than we did, which was nill. We were about to come to the defense of dogs. Then we realized, you are a humorist. Sigh. Thank goodness. Some of us are sarcastic too –it depends on who is out at the moment– so we can appreciate it. Good fortune on your writing!
PS: Somehow we imagine your chewing gum blog entry as a video that you have made, constrictedly and minimistically focusing in on the gum strewn sidewalks and little to nothing else, overdubbed with your poetically “embellished” narration.
Santa Cruz, CA
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Rest assured that there is nothing about me that is remotely Reaganesque. In fact, I was rather heartened when The New Yorker ran a cover image (click here to see it) back on June 28, 2004 captioned, “In Ray we trust”. That was the issue following the deaths of “the great communicator” and music legend, Ray Charles. You might recall the yammering about putting Ronnie’s visage on the ten spot. Give me Ray any day.
Thanks for taking the time to visit and to write such a thoughtful comment. Glad to know we cleared up any confusion about me bonding with Fido in a less than G-rated way.
It’s very novel to find my site appreciated by an entire city, Santa Cruz, CA.
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I love your sense of humor and your writing! I think you made a great choice in choosing Broadway shows. And shooting out of a cannon? That sounds more exciting than any office job. I look forward to reading more!
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Nice to met you sophpearl! Is your name Sophie or am I being presumptuous twit-ette? I will check out your site in the not too distant future, but please be patient with me. My life’s a three ring circus and I really need a day that’s 36 hours long.
V
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You, as well! Not a twit-ette (a great expression) – my name is Sophie Pearl 🙂 And I agree, a 36 hour day would make everything a little easier!
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Just wanted to let you know I’v finally started to read your book. It’s a long weeks here, perfect time to devour your book. So far I’m loving it.
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That’s great Leo! It’s sold in the tens! Look out world!
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Goodness me, I’ve never read your about page. Then again, when I was in college I never read a preface since I was “expected” to. I’m trying to get over that bad attitude. Nice learning more about you. So sorry to hear about the layoffs and pay cuts. I’ve been away from the US for two years now. Are things improving at all?
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I’ve been gainlessly employed throughout the entirety of the recession and this anemic recovery. Not having to go on the dole is a good thing. But, after enduring so much loss in compensation for almost five years, I anticipate that I’ll need to work almost until the day I enter the crematorium. The likeliest scenario to avoid moving into Central Park and sustaining myself on cat food — Fancy Feast on Sundays.
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Fancy feast on Sundays–that’s a very nice touch! Don’t forget Thanksgiving and Christmas–or is that only when they fall on a Sunday.
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I have places to go that feed me well on those holidays.
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Hi there! Just wanted to let you know I nominated you for a Liebster Award! Check it out here:
http://sophpearl.wordpress.com/2013/11/15/a-clean-bathroom-and-a-liebster-for-the-win/
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That’s very sweet of you Sophie. Maybe my next stop is the Nobel.
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Just to add to your backlog, I have nominated you for a Most Influential Blogger award. I want to share the lame. Check peachyteachy for the particulars.
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Thank you. Pile it on.
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You really are funny… like Erma Bombeck without the three kids and the lame, disappointing husband. I am looking forward to following your lame adventures, and maybe learning a little something about blogging from you.
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No kids or husband over here. I cannot even commit to a houseplant. Do visit again! I usually post once a week, but I’ve written so many LA’s over the past four years, there are hundreds to choose when I do go on hiatus from time to time.
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Amazing blog 🙂
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Thanks. I try.
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You tried good 😀
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You have inspired me not to shy away from writing about my misadventures in whatever ways I feel they need to be expressed… 🙂
You are amazing!
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That’s very kind of your to say, but in general I feel about as amazing as tooth twine. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment!
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The pleasure is all mine mine and mine! ^_^
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Thinking about you, thus hoping you had a wonderful birthday weekend!
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I have had a great weekend! Thanks Frank!
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Great! Thought of you on this article. http://www.cincinnati.com/story/entertainment/arts/2014/05/04/cincy-nyc-meet-cast/8689613/
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Whoa, that’s great, Frank — and they can pick up pints of Graeter’s at Fairway!
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An absolute must!
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Hey! I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the Inspirational Blogger Award! You can find the post here:
http://sophpearl.wordpress.com/2014/06/24/the-inspirational-blogger-award/
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You shouldn’t have. But you did. Thanks.
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hilarious
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Thanks.
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From one NYU alum to another, I wave my diploma at you. Because what else am I going to do with that thing.
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I’d wave mine back at you if I had any idea what I did with it. Upon reflection: not much.
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Pleased to have found your distinctive blog. Looking forward to more visits. Regards from Thom at the immortal jukebox (drop a nickel!).
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Thanks for the follow and the kind words Thom. I will drop a nickel soon; maybe even drop a few bucks over time.
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Thanks. The Jukebox will be plugged in and ready to play! Regards Thom.
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I found your blog from your post on the blog ‘The Unbearable Punishment’.
We have similar Italian last names. I promptly purchased your book through Amazon. I look forward to reading some funny NYC stories. I am one of those annual NYC tourist who clog up your sidewalk and ask for directions.
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Thanks for investing your hard earned alms in a copy of my worst seller.
I’ve never heard of a blog by that name, and I only publish posts here on my site.
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You might recognize that blog by ‘Exile on Pain Street’ You mentioned Amy the other day.
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Yes, now I see daylight about how you found my site, Tom.
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From a New Yorker currently simultaneously loving/hating the West coast life, thank you for letting me miss New York and New Yorkers even more. Enjoy the snow 🙂
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You’re welcome! I grew up in San Francisco, a city that was perfect preparation for life in the Big Apple.
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you are hilarious! Just followed you!
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Thanks!
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Will you sign my book of Lame Adventures? We are coming to NYC June 13-15.
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I’ve emailed you about this.
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I think it’s safe to say. Since I needed an HOUR to get to the bottom of all these glowing comments. Your blog is KILLER and I love how you make lemon aid! Can’t wait to follow!
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Thanks for the high praise. Now I have performance anxiety.
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