Lame Adventure 290: Visiting the World Virtually

WordPress is this site’s host since its launch in January 2010.  They’re constantly tweaking it, adding more bells and whistles. I adapt to their changes that have all been fine with me thus far.  This month, March (for anyone drawing a blank about what month this is), they’ve added a new statistics feature displaying a summarization of the top views by country.  Pictured below is the Lame Adventures map showing my puny stats for the first eleven days of March.

I suck in China but possibly whoever reads me there is now in a labor camp.

I am most popular in the US (population 313.1 million) with 2,387 visits but not as loved in China (population 1.3 billion) with two visits.  Obviously, I have my work cut out for me with my Chinese audience, but I am doing much better in Hong Kong with fifteen visits.  Some years ago I had a work-related email pal in China, a very personable young woman named Yinni who was obsessed with the TV series Sex and the City; she insisted I was the Samantha character come to life.  I did not have the heart to admit to her that I’m queer as (adjusting for inflation) a nine-dollar bill and my taste in attire leans heavily in the direction of Larry David.  She advised me that if I ever got around to visiting China, I should skip the mainland and head straight to Hong Kong.  Looking back, I think she was more onto me than I realized at that time.

I am not going to delude myself into thinking that more than a fraction of my visitors read much, if anything of what I’ve written.  I imagine the pictures are the draw, such as this semi-mangled water bug I encountered while re-entering my building after taking out the trash.

Bug porn.

As I was perusing the extensive world traveling Lame Adventures has done while I primarily remain parked in either my postage stamp-sized dwelling or cluttered desk at work, my buddy and colleague, Coco, called.  Earlier in the day, I had checked my 401k and noticed that suddenly my name was misspelled.  I emailed Coco and half-jokingly told her to check the spelling of her name on our plan.  She called to say that her name was suddenly misspelled, too.  We did not know what to make of this odd coincidence but we now know that we both have to deal with our difficult general manager, our plan’s administrator, to make the adjustment.  We commiserated further.

Me:  If I hadn’t already made my sandwich for tomorrow, I’d take the day off.

Coco:  I wish I could leave the country, just light a fire behind myself and run.

That prompted me to tell my pal about all the places Lame Adventures has visited. Coco was impressed as I rattled off country after country.

Top 31 visitors to Lame Adventures-land.

Coco:  That’s so cool!

Middle 31 visitors to Lame Adventures-land.

Me:  But I’m almost 371 in dog years and I have yet to go anywhere outside of the continental US whereas my blog will probably be read on the moon if they ever build a space station there!

Coco:  I still think that’s cool.

Actually, I do, too.  I will also ask Coco to pretend that she’s me should I  hear from Yinni again if she ever makes good on her goal to visit the US, something she had longed to do.  That will surely up my stats in the most populous country in the world.

Lower 28 visitors to Lame Adventures-land, probably all eager to scram and not return.

32 responses to “Lame Adventure 290: Visiting the World Virtually

  1. On views/population, you’re doing well in Gibraltar; you may want to consider expanding your base there.


  2. Yeah, this new map feature is cool. Apparently, I’m popular in India and Pakistan. Who would have guessed?

    Me? I definitely tune in for the bug porn! Illicit insect sex is always a draw.

    Happy Monday to you. (And Happy March Madness, as well, as I know how much you are likely into that. LOL)



    • India seems okay with me but Pakistan not so much possibly because I’ve bonded with so many India-based customer service people calling themselves Justin and Miley. Glad you appreciate the bug porn, but it looks like that little critter might have bought its rainbow from inhaling too much second (third, fourth, fifth?) leg smoke. It seems to have expired near a cigarette butt, maybe its last meal. Happy March Madness back at you, Kathy!


  3. I wonder if any of your technologically advanced readers are capable of making their computers seem to be accessing Lame Adventures from somewhere other than the Upper West Side or Northern New Jersey. You see it on cop shows where some unsavory viewer of illegal internet product routs his/her ISP thru the Maldives or some such other place. If any of you all can do this, I would think that our author would appreciate the bump up in stats from the Lesser Antilles, Zambia, and Benin.

    On another topic, I guess that I am a statistical outlier (sp?) in that I am a fan of the blog and NCAA basketball. Just saying…


    • I think my readers are somewhat like me technologically — at most capable of resisting the urge to use “password” as their password. I always thought I was the statistical outlier being one of the few people in the country indifferent to March Madness — as well as Linsanity, but that seems to have died down since the Knicks have returned to their losing ways form. My mind’s on the return of baseball season.


      • Well I can empathize with you on the tech front. The fact that you’re aware the Knicks have hit the skids somewhat belies your stated indifference. Did you like the little filler cartoons in the recent New Yorker starring #17? I am also a baseball-first fan. Got grief from a hapless Mets fan as I sat in the conference room this afternoon watching my beloved Olde Towne Team beat the Marlins in a spring training game on ESPN. Go Sawx!


        • The last time I was remotely interested in the hapless Knicks was when the ’94 NBA finals were interrupted for that stupid slow speed white Bronco car chase. Do you recall that TV history chestnut? I was livid, but I repeat, I am not a basketball fan at all; I just happen to tune in occasionally and keep half an eye and ear open to what’s going on. I did think those little cartoons that appeared in The New Yorker NAILED all this absurd Jeremy Lin hoopla.

          Are you a BoSox fan? If so, you must be happy with Bobby Valentine at the helm.


      • Yes I remember exactly where I was that evening. Watching the game with my 2 year old son (I guess he wasn’t technically watching) waiting for his mom to come home from work. It was a Friday, correct? My only interest/connection to that team is the fact that my wife was a classmate of Patrick Ewing’s at GU and we got to know him a little bit better because his roommate dated her roommate.

        I think Bobby V. will be a positive influence on the Sox in the immediate term. Not sure how long the bloom will be on the rose, but it moves them in the right direction.


        • Yes, it was a Friday night. That’s a pretty cool Patrick Ewing connection. Thanks for sharing.

          What if Bobby V turns out to be the Sox’ Joe Torre? As a Yankees fan, I cannot help but think, “Barf.” On the other hand, it could make the rivalry even more exciting.


  4. Oh yeah, I will turn 371 in dog years on June 8th.


  5. I am 493 in dog years, and I get a lot of Russian spam on my blog. I once got a comment in French from a German woman who said her French wasn’t very good (I know enough French to take a ballet class and read simple French sentences), and I asked her why she was commenting in French, anyway, on an English-speaking blog. No comment back. More foreign spam, I suppose — just so the spam doesn’t contain crunchy half-smashed water bugs. I don’t know what any of this means, but I would love it if I had an actual reader from a foreign land.


  6. I’m addicted to these new stats. I have followers in Zambia, Namibia, India and Latvia. I’VE FINALLY MADE IT! LATVIA!


  7. i haven’t looked at stats recently, sugar, so now i’m on the hunt. but, now, you have an international audience! xoxox


  8. Who knew? I’m hot in Finland!


  9. That is really cool! I’m representing Texas for ya!


  10. Snoring Dog Studio

    Yes – this is exciting. It’s a way for me to bone up on my geography and, at the same time, say hello to the ONE person from Germany who reads my blog. Canadians love me the most I think. I must visit and thank them personally.


  11. Xin chào! You have at least one follower from Vietnam


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