As most of you don’t know, my commenting wingman, Mike G, recently celebrated his twenty-fifth wedding anniversary with the woman he calls The Bride. Altogether let’s say:
Us: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
What is even more monosyllabic-inducing to me is that this is his fourth marriage.
LA Readership and Mike G: WHAT?
Just yankin’ ya, but let’s be realistic, I’m queer as, accounting for inflation, a nineteen dollar bill and this is not the site for sentimental straight sap. I will say this about Mike and The Bride, out there in the hinterlands of New Jersey, they’ve produced three well rounded spawn. The first-born, Son, is a university wrestling team member with clowns as his kryptonite, so anyone reading this that would like to get him in a headlock fast — dress as Bozo; D1 is their first-born daughter that decorated the car in glitter and feathers so it looks like a rolling drag queen, and D2 is their second-born daughter that hates squirrels after one had the audacity to run off the roof and use her head as a launching pad. She’s now learning to drive and dreams of exacting revenge.
Alert squirrel on lookout for D2.
If they have any animals Mike hasn’t revealed them to me so I’ll improvise here.
Mike’s funky chicken Miriam.
The Bride and Mike both have Real Jobs that are called a word that’s as foreign to me as any words gassed in Aramaic, Careers. From what he tells me, she’s even his Best Friend. There you guys go again:
You Guys: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
With my extraordinary power of perception I’ve deduced that she doesn’t bitch at him to take out the trash or pick up his socks and he’d sooner cut out his tongue than say:
Mike G (never uttering): You know, that dress does make you look fat.
So there was Mike and The Bride in Paris without any of the Spawn nor did Mike stuff his pet chicken, Miriam, in his suitcase Borat-style. They were alone. In the city of light. One of the most romantic places on the planet. Being romantic …
“Hey Bride is that a dyed pink pug we’re looking at over here?”
… and taking pictures for Lame Adventures! The Bride even downloaded them for us. Their marriage sure works for me. Let’s virtually visit Paris!
Cool flowers in hotel lobby.
Chocolate anniversary cake with edible gold courtesy of Hotel du Swank.
“Bord du smelly cheese” and bottle of bordeaux ordered by Mike.
Gaudy Ferrari with Dubai license plate in front of hotel their entire visit; motorist probably too cheap to park it in a lot.
Gallic Phallic Luxor Obelisk in the Place de la Concord.
Touristy Arc de Triomphe shot.
Cool Hugo-type shot inside clockface in former train station Musee D’Orsay.
Front gate to Abercrombie & Fitch. Yes, A&F or WTF?
The Louvre where Mike and The Bride soaked up more culture.
Eiffel Tower.
L’hopital des Invalides or in Mike-speak, the original Obamacare.
Love those flowers.
Mike optical illusion peeing in Jardin des Tuileries reflecting fountain.
Ferris wheel in Paris’s Central Park aka Jardin des Tuileries.
Mike’s eye view of Paris from Ferris wheel.
Final flower shot. Mike’s applying for his florist license.
Lame Adventures 
The next time I go to Paris, I’m definitely bringing a chicken.
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Feel free to borrow Mike’s!
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I want to go back to see whether the hotel has changed the arrangements in the lobby and, more importantly, whether the owner of the car will sheik his booty and move it. Called the Parisian SPCA about the pug, but they told me pink was the “in” color this season and to stop bothering them. Only downside of trip was coming back through Customs and having to declare the gold. On the bright side, at least the inspector didn’t ask for a sample to assay its value.
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The only thing goofier than the Ferrari parked there 24 hours a day was the fact that other nimrods took great pains to take pictures of it every day. These bozos (sorry son) were standing precariously atop railings looking for that one in a million shot. Except more than one guy did it, so it wasn’t so one in a million-y.
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Congrats to Mike and The Bride – and thanks for the trip to Paris. ;–)))
R.
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They go to Paris and we get pictures — works for me Robert!
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Final question, any idea whether the dude drove his car from Dubai to Paris?…. Didn’t think so.
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Good question and I did MapQuest it but MapQuest denied my request but did show me a route-less map of the area. Apparently, cutting through Iran and Syria is not going to happen, so my guess is that it jetted first class with its driver.
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I can’t imagine what the car costs but I guess it’s cheaper to ship it than to get it repaired after driving over an IED somewhere in that horrific region.
On the topic of Syria (and I hope I haven’t mentioned this before)’ I never knew its second biggest city was Aleppo. All these years I thought Aleppo was the 6th Marx Brother.
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Maybe the fancy car actually belongs to the hotel, just so they can have a fancy car parked in front to impress the bourgeoisie! Looks like a great trip-congrats!
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Wow, that didn’t occur to Mike or me Judy. Thanks for weighing in with your powers of guesswork. Much appreciated!
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As much as a house in much of the country and about the same as a cramped studio co-op in Manhattan, the Ferrari of boroughs:
The Ferrari 458 Italia costs $229,832
The Ferrari 599 costs $320,580
The Ferrari 599 GTO costs $410,000
The Ferrari California costs $195,840
The Ferrari FF costs $295,000
Source: WikiAnswers
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Thanks for the perspective. Gotta cross that off the Xmas list for this year. The Paris trip put a slight dent in the budget already.
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So you and the brood are going to skip Xmas in Rome this year?
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Lucky for me nobody else in family reads site or i’d be trolling the internet for cheap flights tp Fumicino.
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Along with getting your son a new car. You’re great for the economy Mike!
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Just trying to prime the pump and get Mr. Obama reelected.
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That is soooooo great! Congrats to them!
Ironically, Danny and I are going on our 25th year! The years have flown by. Didn’t I just write about time? Anyway, we were hoping to get to France…Still crossing fingers, but its cutting off my circulation and is really hard to type…
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Happy 25th to you as well. I am sure that wherever you end up it will be just like your honeymoon. One word of advice, though, if you guys are screamers don’t bring the kids. If you have to bring ’em, get separate rooms! Unless you’re into that stuff. I’m not judging…
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Thanks Mike!
Our kids are 20 and 22 so they won’t be invited! Hahaha!
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What about Roxy?
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She would go to her favorite place in the world: The Kennel! It is a farm with tons of animals and she plays in the baby pool all day…
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A kennel that’s a farm where the deer, antelope and Roxy roam, eh?
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Yep! The puppy farm!
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If you guys do go keep an eye peeled for pink pugs and gaudy Ferraris.
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We will!
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Awwwwww! Happy anniversary, Mike, and thanks for the pix! Although I did think the pink pug was a piglet at first. Mr. Weebles and I have 19 years to go until our 25th, but maybe we’ll go to Paris before then.
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Or at least Montreal.
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Montreal’s a lot closer and cheaper, that’s for sure. And except for that Le Clown guy, I’m sure Montreal is really nice.
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It’s probably even magnificent.
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Hey Weebs … don’t forget Quebec City.
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True, Frank! Also, Quebec City has some freaky haunted places I wouldn’t mind checking out.
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Much different from Montreal … but we enjoyed both.
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I think you’re influencing our mutual friend, Madame Weebles, to pack a bag and take a trip.
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She craves the haunted houses!
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So do I! Weebs writes great ghost stories Frank!
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If you visit those places, bring a video camera and get Blair Witch Project for your fan base!
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Ooooh, yes! I totally need to do this.
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Yes, you do. Just take Le Clown with you to anyplace Super Scary, he’s a dragon slayer.
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As long as there are no bugs around, he’ll be fearless.
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As long as there are no holes around, you’ll be fearless, too. If there are bugs and holes and you guys are together, well … it’s been great knowing you two. Send me messages on Post-its from the other side.
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Although we’ve never been formally introduced, a congrats on 25 years to Mike and The Bride. (This is 35 for us.) We planned to cruise the Baltic for our 25th, then 9-11 changed the itinerary. End up in Hawaii and still haven’t been to the Baltic. Thanks for the pics, but peeing in the fountain is a classic – so congrats to The Bride for capturing the moment.
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Totally unintentional but an instant classic. Congrats on your 35 years. I guess that, at least, the weather was better in Hawaii.
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Thanks Mike … Here’s a bit of what we did for our 30th. http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2012/08/14/on-a-stern-view/
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Do read Frank’s post Mike. I liked it a lot, but I forgot to slather myself with sunblock before reading it.
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Hilarious! So well done! Tres bien fait!
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Merci beaucoup Eleanor! Thanks for visiting Lame Adventures-land.
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It’s good to know that people all over the world embarrass their animals, not just the US.
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That is a comforting observation!
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LA, when I use my Ferrari, I always park it over the road, never just outside. When I park it just outside, it lets people know that I’m in, when I may want them to think I’m not, so parking over the road confuses them. Only when I use my Ferrari though. When in my other cars, I have to park wherever I can… sigh. Great photos of Paris, Mike and Bridie, though!
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Excellent Ferrari-parking strategy Tom. My mind is completely tied in a knot now.
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Like the proverbial cherry stem.
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Are you hinting that my illustrious life is a bowl of pits?
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Nah, I don’t think I was going there with the cherry stem simile. Maybe I should have gone with the mid 1970s Steely Dan title track (and one of my favorite albums of all time) Pretzel Logic.
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Not an SD fan over here; too mellow for me.
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Thought you would at least appreciate the monicker. Pretzel Logic has lots of nice jazz fusion. But no sense debating as taste in music is purely idiosyncratic.
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Yeah, and mine taste in it is all over the place and because I’ve never owned an iPod (I am hearing-impaired enough as is) Milton once accused me of not liking music. To that I said, “Huh? What?”
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Got the iPhone and iPad but no iPod. Don’t like sticking things in my ears. Or really any of my orifices.
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Isn’t that a bit of a hindrance at meal and snack-time?
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Change that to small orifices.
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Noted.
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Well, that was lovely. I feel quite refreshed after a tour of that beautiful city…congratulations, Mike G and his amazing bride 🙂
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So glad you enjoyed it considering all the fascinating places you’ve shared with us over at your site. Dog-wise, I MUCH prefer all natural Macaulay to dyed pink pugs (but Mike knew I’d love that photo)!
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AWWWWWW–congrats to Mike and The Bride. ANd how cool to have a Lame Adventures correspondent in Paris. But does Mike have a blog I can read? Congrats again, Mike!
Hugs,
Kathy
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Although Mike has zero problem speaking for himself, I think he rather enjoys being the wingman over here, but you’ll probably hear directly from him about this. He’s not a shy fella.
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Mike is technologically challenged. You wouldn’t believe the hoops I has ro jump through just to get the pix to LA woman. How she does this multiple times per week astounds me as do all you bloggers out there. My hat is off to you. And as you can tell by the sparse hair atop my head it is something I do only infrequently.
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As a walking hair-bomb I can say with authority that the one thing I envy most about the human male is not your capacity to pee standing up or your ability to easily twist open a bottle of mustard, but that you guys look good with shaved heads.
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I am rather fond of the ability to pee standing up, and sitting down (see photo at reflecting pond above). Reminds me of the t-shirt I saw a lady wearing the other day that read: i Laughed So Hard I Had Tears Running Down My Leg.
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Excellent!
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Hell I even have problems typing. And this fact has been well established on this site for months.
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Your frequent iPhone struggles are part of your charm (she lied).
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Lame adventures, you say?
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Lame adventures — my weekly memoirs.
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How awesome that they are being all romantic after 25 years! What a great story. And I bet they didn’t even have to see the new Meryl Streep-Tommy Lee Jones movie to do all that. 🙂
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I bet you’re right! Have you seen it yet? You’ll enjoy it.
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I saw it today. I thought it was a great movie! I loved Streep and Tommy Lee they were both great and funny with tender moments. Steve Carell was pretty amusing as the therapist. It’s too bad my other half didn’t go … he could’ve learned something.
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Glad you saw it but that is too bad you didn’t see it with your other half, buddy. Well, there’s always chocolate and red wine.
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I’m having a bottle tonight 🙂
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Big fan of both actors. Not so sure I want to watch either of them get in the mood, however. I may not be the best looking dude on earth but is that the best they can make Tommy Lee look? What must he look like without hours of makeup work? Call me superficial.
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V,
Call me a cynic, but what was in it for you by writing this post? I mean, we’re all here congratulating Mike G, but you’ve done all the work for him, and you only got pictures of Paris… Just sayin’.
Le Clown
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It makes up for my not having a single magnificent pic from Montreal. Just sayin’.
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V,
We can establish a blogging pattern. If you wish to write a post about Le Clown, I will provide you with pictures of my wonderful city. I’m benevolent like that…
Le Clown
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I am going to take you up on that!
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V,
I’m in… I will either look at some of the zillion pics I have already, or go on a Montreal trek, and start a fresh… Expect pics soon.
Le Clown
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Cool!
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Other than not having to coming up with an idea and saving a few pixels of her own, not a whole helluva lot.
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I finally took the time to check my gmail account and there I found your email of weeks ago. So sorry. That is, glad to get the email and sorry I didn’t find it sooner. I emailed you at your gmail account from my Comcast email account, under my real name — just to add to the confusion. Actually, I check this account every three minutes when my computer is on, which it mostly is.
Anyway, I love the dramatic purple flowers and the Paris vacation. Thanks! 🙂
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Glad you did the archaeological dig and found my email! The flowers scored quite a hit with Mike and The Bride, too. I’m more partial to pink pugs, extraordinary looking architecture and crazy looking Ferraris proving that Paris has something to offer everyone.
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Believe me, it WAS an archeological dig. I need to step away from my computer occasionally. I can HEAR my clothes shrinking in my closet while I sit next to it here at my computer.
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That’s a hilarious sound effect!
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🙂 Well … not exactly hilarious to me.
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Great post and commentary, LA. You did a great job for not having been there personally. And Mike, you and The Bride have a flair for interesting shots. I especially like the peeing one (I’m assuming that she took that one), and the flowers!
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Mike was quite the Lame Adventures-man Abroad for keeping an eye peeled for LA-style shots — and so was The Bride for indulging the lunacy of this site. Thanks for dropping by and commenting Cathy!
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Yes she did take that shot but we didn’t notice the beauty of the piece until a week later. I focused on how thin my hair was on top (never getting that vantage point during the normal course of events). I guess she was inspired by all the museums we took in on our short trip to Paris.
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You know, I swear that I had subscribed to your blog but today I realized that I hadn’t. How rude of me! Congrats to Mike and Bride. My 25th was this time last year. 🙂
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Glad you made it back my Canadian novelist colleague. Congrats on 26 years to you and your husband.
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Thank you Mike. 🙂
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I looked in my subscribers list and you’ve been there for a week. Maybe you needed to manage a setting so you can see when my oh so profound posts are published?
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Usually once I subscribe, I get the emails. I will check out on my end. Hopefully they’ll start coming in now. 🙂
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Something new should be coming tomorrow (famous last words).
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I have tomorrow off. I’ll be watching for it. 🙂
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Oh good!
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