Following another productive day of unwinding paperclips at The Grind, I exited the 72nd Street subway station at 5:55 Tuesday evening. I looked up at the temperature on the Apple Bank digital clock at 73rd and Broadway and thought:
Me (thinking): I can’t believe it’s 94.
Believe it.
What compelled me to think that made no sense for it’s July. July is always hot. Some July days seem hot as hell. What would call for genuine disbelief is if the temperature was half that, 47. Or 57. How about 27 and snowing? Snow in New York City in July would certainly be a global news top story. The Big Apple had snow in October last year and en masse everyone was bracing for a winter worthy of Siberia. In fact, last winter was one of the mildest on record. We had next to no snow all season. Of course people were bitching about that. I paraphrase:
Bitching New Yorkers: Where the hell’s the snow? It doesn’t feel like winter.
Back to the present on this seasonably hot July day that feels exactly like summer, sweat was surfacing from my scalp down to the soles of my feet and all body parts in-between. Soon you could probably fry an egg off me. A minute passed. It read 5:56 on the clock. There was a correction that added validity to my disbelief.
The reward for staring.
I wondered if I continued to stare at that clock like a slack-jawed doofus for another five minutes would the temperature climb to 100? I didn’t stand around to find out.
Lame Adventures 
Looking for some moderation; meanwhile trying to work in AC – wish you had it at your home.
R.
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That’s not happening this year. I’m wishing for September and for the eyelash that just fell into my cornea to quit stabbing me. Good to hear from you Robert!
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our apt was recently equipped with the ugly duct work needed for central air and heat, and I cursed it everyday until the temps in chicago started to climb into the triple digits. now, i pray we don’t have a power outage.
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If the power did go out by you, Jules, welcome to my world.
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I thought i was the only person who still uses the word doofus! Haha, gave me a smile to start out the morning with, thanks!
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Doofus feels right at home here in Lame Adventures-land limited 300 word vocabulary that includes behoove, satchel, shekels, etc. Nice to hear from you Judy!
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Indeed the switch, as well as the bird, has been flipped. The Heat Is On. Hum music from Glenn Frey’s 1985 song to yourselves.
I had my own sweat-laden LA on Monday night as daughter #1 and I visited The Fens and cheered on The Olde Towne Team. Game was a rare success for my Sawx. Happily walked to Kenmore Square for the 7 minute trip up Beacon Street to Bucolic Brookline and our surprisingly above average Holiday Inn (sans Bing, Danny, Rosemary and Vera). It took nearly 20 minutes to cram some 11,000 sweaty Sawx fans into the station. Then another 25 minutes in 110 degree heat while 3 out of service trolleys and one too-full to stop trolley lumbered through before we got on a C train headed toward Cleveland Circle. I actually heard myself curse Boston mayor Menino and tell anyone who would listen that at least in NYC they let you know WTF is happening down there. It must have been the heat…
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So basically you and D#1 could have walked back a whole helluva quicker and probably would have sweated considerably less. Before you ditch your Red Sox cap and sing the praises of the MTA too loudly, one day last week I and about a thousand others got booted off a jam packed uptown Express at Penn Station at rush hour because some sadist wielding a thimble of power decided to take that train out of service. I have a fairly long fuse when it comes to the unanticipated. For example I’m perfectly fine with my beloved changing her ring tone for me from Just Can’t Get Enough to The Thrill is Gone, but kicking us all off that train at that moment was cruel.
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You and daughter #1 have much the same powers of perception. As we alighted the T at the corner of Beacon and St. Paul’s Street we looked back down Beacon to the beacon that is the historic Citgo sign (on behalf of Joe Kennedy thank you President Chavez) she opined the exact same thing. My heart goes out to all normal transit riders in these heat waves as well as a thank you for lessening our carbon footprint that, according to the hairdo from MN and moose slayer from AK, does NOT contribute to the fictitious Global Warming phenomenon. What a couple of twats they are!
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Even though those two blockheads preach denial about Global Warming, what I find even more disturbing is the global lack of alarm ti take action about reversing it. It seems to me that if we don’t start acting fast the global war on terror is going to be relocating to WALL-E world by the time your grandkids reach our age and we have both long bought our rainbows.
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Dear Adventurer,
…the flipped bird likely came from ‘step-mom’ nature in her
never ending didactic tirades against our human condition (“tsk “tsk).
Here in Tx 95 would be a blessing on some days so consider
that some might change places with ‘ya ! I’d do so just for the pizza pies that are in your locale…even at 97 degrees.
Happy sweating…I mean perspiring.
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This is a good point and no, I’m not referring to your pizza point but as lame spokesperson for all things Gotham, my city thanks you for that compliment. I am sure this soggy city slicker would completely wilt if subject to the Lone Star State’s triple digit sweltering heat. Nice to hear from you Jim! Stay cool!
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Here in the middle of the cornfields…..I have no a/c at the house or at work……I finally was brave enough to take a thermometer upstairs where…just like you…I stared as the needle moved all the way up from 80 degrees downstairs, to an even 100 degrees upstairs.
Armed with gatorade and water in a mini cooler filled with ice, I finished my online college class’ homework assignment, and “cooled” off downstairs for the rest of the evening. Yep, I’m a tough old bird…..or just plain crazy.
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Hey hoosierbeth, thank you for sharing your proof of heat rising. You sound more tough than crazy to me. The combination of an ancient garret not wired for a/c plus featherweight wages have made me a crazy resident in a brownstone that is the understudy for the Seventh Circle of Hell.
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You were willing the temperature to rise! Hahaha! I am already tired of summer. It has been warm out here since March for God’s sake!
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Is that what I was doing? I thought Ma Nature was punishing me for staring in disbelief! Out by you, you really do cooler temps — and rain — since Colorado is so flammable.
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I am willing, but is she able? It is in the 90’s again and we still need rain…”Mother Nature come here and pour! …please!”
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Right now outside my window over here the sky is an ominous gray and I can hear thunder coming closer. I wish I could redirect this storm your way.
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I don’t see how you are getting by without AC in this heat. Maybe you should sleep at the office or something. I’m feeling really bad for you about now. How high up in your building do you live?
Hugs,
Kathy
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You will be relieved to know that I took refuge with a friend, but I seem to be packing so much body heat it took me the better part of 6 hours to cool down in A/C firing at full blast! I’m resigned to being a space heater on feet until October. Thanks for caring Kathy!
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I actually think that temperature erred on the low side today. And truly, I don’t know how you’re still alive without A/C. You must have some iron constitution.
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I think my constitution is more weaselly flab. My fantasies have shifted gears from sex to snow.
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Dear LA woman (royalty check to estate of Jim Morrison forthcoming) don’t give up on your dreams so quickly. I say incorporate the white fluffy stuff into the more titillating adventures of your mind. But lay down a blanket or comforter lest you get frostbite on your bum.
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That would be a nasty sight! (Jim Morrison’s heirs thank you.)
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Last night at midnight here in Delaware the temp was 85. I don’t know how you do it, living on the third floor with no A/C. In my third floor attic, with the windows open, the temp must be 120. We have gray clouds and then a spritz. That’s all we’ve had all summer. I walked on the lawn in my bare feet this evening and the grass cut into my feet like little brown needles.
Ahh, but out there in Texas, isn’t it a dry heat?
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My garret is in the middle floor and has a northern exposure. The light is nice, but it’s not a direct from hell blast. Ten months of the year it’s comfy little digs. During torrid summers it’s more than a tad cruel, along the lines of your demon grass. Ow! I would have to rely on my readership in Texas to define the type of heat. It might vary by region to sound like I know what I’m talking about. (cough)
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Well, at least it’s the middle floor and a northern exposure, if that’s any consolation.
As for my grass, I could have worn shoes, but it was too hot to.
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The pointy blades would have so hurt my tender feet!
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They did mine, too. I was kind of amazed that grass could hurt my feet. My feet have no padding — and the older one gets the less foot padding one has; it goes elsewhere on the body, clearly.
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Oh joy, something else to look forward to down the pike.
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Trust me.
See, it pays to have an older friend to help you see into the future.
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I trust you and whatever is floating in your crystal ball (especially anything based on first-foot experience).
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Well, maybe THAT’S how the wine evaporates so fast. I stumbled over my crystal ball and it got holes in it.
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Another revelation courtesy of Lame Adventures!
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Can’t recall ever seeing doofus written in same time. Thanks! I hate this damn weather … then again, it’s better than being locked in a room with AC and being forced to watch election ads and politician news conferences.
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You’ve come to the right place for doofus Frank! In one of my many past lives and thankless excuses for employment I spent many an hour in a room (not locked but it was my job) watching hours and hours of political news coverage. Stanley Kubrick once made a film called Eyes Wide Shut. I could make one called Eyes Glazed Over.
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V,
You speak foreign!!! I have yet to learn Fahrenheit.
Le Clown
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A translation for you, Le Clown, on Wednesday it was 37.777777777777 Celsius. To my US readership that translates as 100 degrees aka fuckin’ hot.
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Not being a numbers person I appreciate your calculations. I especially appreciate the translation into words I more clearly understand. Heading to the City of Light next Wednesday. Could either you or Le Clown translate fuckin’ hot into French for me? Just in case…
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Putain chaude — right Le Clown — if you’re around? Isn’t your gay Paree visit to celebrate your 25th anniversary? Are you guys traveling spawn-less? Will you take an international iPhone or do we have to wait for you to get back to see pix?
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Yes we will be spawnless beginning Wednesday night for our whirlwind 25th anniversary. I am certain one of us will be internationally linked to the grid. I just learned how to use iPhone camera. God knows how i’d post them. Maybe D-1 can show me. Thanks for the mini French lesson.
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Whirlwind? Is this a day in Paris and then you boomerang back to the romance that is Jersey? Keep an eye out for Le Clown. He might share some other French phrases here that could come in handy on your travels like how to say, “Leave the gun take the croissants.” iPhone camera photo advice: try not to shoot yourself or your finger — Milton’s usual snafus.
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Not that whirl-windy. But back on the 29th as my much better half has commitments on the 30th.
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So you’re leaving the 25th and you’re back the 29th — both wearing boat neck blue and white horizontal tee shirts, puffing on Gauloises and raving about Jerry Lewis? These details are important to the LA readership.
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Wardrobe TBD. Don’t smoke. I don’t got much else. Sorry.
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The French love Jerry: http://ask.yahoo.com/20040929.html
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Anything with Dean and then only the early solo stuff thru mid 60’s.
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I liked the early stuff with Dean, The Nutty Professor and when he co-starred in Marty’s The King of Comedy. That’s it. I prefer Woody and Mel one million percent more.
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V,
Thank you. For a second I felt like a Commie down South.
Le Clown
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Le Clown, please check out Mike G’s most recent comment. He’s needs French phrasing advice from us. It’s your opportunity to tip your beret.
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Oh, it’s your fault!!
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I was afraid of that!
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I feel hot just reading this and all these sweltering comments…it is 14 degrees centigrade here, and we are all looking up into the sky fearful that the rain will begin coming again. It’s grim on this island.
Hope the air conditioning fairy visits unexpectedly…..
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Quick please calculate for us great weatherwan of the net. Don’t have time to look for earlier comment where you provided us the Fahrenheit conversion for Le Clown in Canada.
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About 57 F, I think Mike…does that work?
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Thanks. That was perfect and oh so timely.
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I agree! I’m trying to actually get some work done at my (lightly) paying job before the weekend starts.
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No visits from the aircon fairy, but the temp has dropped significantly, the air quality has improved and the weather had been uncharacteristically idyllic today or else I’m having an extraordinary hallucination!
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Some folk’ll never eat a skunk, but then again some folk’s. Like cletus the slack jawed yokel.
That’s a song inspired by the last sentence of this post. You’re welcome.
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There you go, flaunting your Ivy League pedigree all over LA again!
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First off I love your title and love the fact that you use the word doofus … awesome. And yeah it probably would have gone up most def, glad you bailed before you starting frying that egg … sending you some cool thoughts from Southern Cali even though it’s not that cool today a nice 98 degrees where I was 🙂
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Nice to know that we’re baking together!
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