In actuality, I am not a rabbi, nor was I in a bar, but it was after work on Tuesday so I could have sorely used a drink as I was walking down a street in the West 70s en route to my sanctum sanctorum, when I noticed a squirrel ravenously nibbling away at whatever gourmet-delicacy (to a squirrel) had coated a Land Rover’s mud flap. This little squirrel, that had either made the journey down from Central Park or up from Riverside Park, was in overt stage-four gustatory bliss. I could almost hear it shouting in-between mouthfuls, “Mine, all mine!” <burp>
Then, Tanner, a 6 1/2 year old beagle-basset mix, arrives on the scene needing to take a piss that rivals Seabiscuit when the beagle half of his genes tugs hard on his leash and he bellows at his caregiver:
Tanner (squinting): Is that a fox I see, woman?
Tanner’s Caregiver: Tanner, it’s a squirrel! Leave it alone.
The squirrel, playing it safe, darts up a tree.
Squirrel: All these people and now a dog? What’s next, a telemarketer is going to call? I’m just trying to enjoy a peaceful dinner!
Relieved of his obligation to give chase, Tanner’s basset hound side kicks in. He steps off the curb and with a faraway look in his eyes takes a luxurious leak.
Me: Tanner, can I take your picture?
Tanner: Ask her, you idiot.
Tanner’s Caregiver: Sure.
Tanner’s feeling prickly; this is his walk-time and he’s purposely pounding the pavement to accomplish his evening business in the relief department. As hard as his caregiver tries, he refuses to offer his handsome face to the camera for more than a nanosecond.
Me: Tanner, aren’t you ready for your close-up?
Tanner (groans): Who writes your dialogue? Just take a picture.
Meanwhile, the squirrel is sitting on the curb watching and nibbling.
Squirrel (mouth full): Yum, this tastes so good!
Me: What exactly are you eating?
Squirrel: Berries and leaves sublimely seasoned with highway repair tar. You’ve never tasted anything quite like this. Trust me.
Tempted by this testimonial, when I returned home, I tried some with a beer, vomited profusely and will probably call in sick at work for the rest of the week or until the full body rash heals.
You should be a squirrel photographer….those are some great action shots. They made me want an acorn.
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This comment is the highlight of my day, and considering the way things have been going lately, possibly it’s the highlight of my life, Rocket J.
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Way to take advantage of the photo op!
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I also happen to love squirrels even though they are essentially rats in handsome coats.
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Here’s one for you.
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I love this video! It’s great!
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A skilled squirell photographer you are. I found myself throwing my immense fear of the rodents out the window and, instead, smiling all the way through. He does strike a very handsome pose.
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Ps. My devil dog beagle mix is far cuter. Agree ?
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Devil Dog is hands down the cutest beagle mix ever and much more cooperative around a camera.
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Well, my subject was just the most cutest bushy-tailed rodent ever! I hope he (or she) is still hanging out in some tree and knocking back the acorns.
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