Former head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who is accused of moonlighting as a sex offender for allegedly assaulting a hotel maid, has found new digs following his prolonged stay in a Rikers Island jail cell. DSK has moved into a TriBeCa townhouse located at 153 Franklin Street that happens to be spitting distance from where I work.
Actually, his followup home to a prison cage is two doors down from where I toil in tile. That’s jet-propelled spitting distance. In addition, I work on the fifth floor of my building, and his nest is three stories tall. Even if I could powerfully projectile spit, my spit would just splat into the wall of the next building that stands at least five stories high. Just thinking about all this spitting is giving me dry mouth.
I used to wonder who resided in that very swanky townhouse. Sometimes I see a very sexy Vespa scooter parked out front.
It recently occurred to me that my new(ish) Jack Purcell badminton sneakers are in a colorway similar to that Vespa.
According to The New York Times:
“[DSK's] new home is a free-standing three-floor town house in TriBeCa that was recently renovated by Leopoldo Rosati, and had been on the market for nearly $14 million. The town house features a rooftop deck, a fitness center, a custom theater, a steam spa bath, two Italian limestone baths, two Duravit jet tubs, a waterfall shower and a dual rainfall steam shower.
Under the terms of Mr. Strauss-Kahn’s bail, he can leave his home only under limited circumstances, must be under 24-hour armed surveillance and must wear an electronic ankle monitor.”
Translation: it’s highly unlikely that I’ll glimpse my new day job neighbor tooling around on that Vespa in Jack Purcell badminton shoes, as he tries to beat this rap. What makes me most want to beat DSK with a baguette for residing so close to me that I can almost smell him eating stinky French cheese with my D-cup nose is the fact that he’s going to be living like a sultan. I know he has to reside somewhere in the interim and it’s not going to be at a Comfort Inn, but this overt indulgence in over the top luxury living is as gag-inducing as the accusations against him.