I was trying to read The New York Times online, but I suffered momentary ADD when I was distracted by an image of a bespectacled middle age male model in a shirt ad sporting an utterly ridiculous Justin Bieber-style haircut. This made me wonder if there was a picture of a bespectacled Justin Bieber out there so I did a Google search to appease my curiosity. Sure enough, there he was, the tween heartthrob and his mother’s retirement plan, wearing utterly ridiculous oversized spectacles.
Even New York Patriot’s quarterback, Tom Brady, took some heat when he appeared to be wearing Bieber-inspired locks. Body beautiful Brady would have made an infinitely more attractive cotton shirt model.
A once again bespectacled Bieber posted a cringe-inducing rap video where he mocks Brady’s hair and takes ownership of the do indicating he’s never heard of the Beatles. In 1964, a reporter asked George Harrison what he called the band’s hairstyle. Harrison quipped, “Arthur.”
Upon viewing Bieber’s awkward and embarrassing rap, which I hope he’s forced to watch on his fortieth birthday so he can feel my pain, it occurred to me that Bieber makes best forgotten Vanilla Ice appear to have been the second coming of James Brown. One particularly Insightful Viewer posted this comment about Bieber’s rap:
I WOULD STAB THIS KID IN THE HEAD WIT A MILLION WATERBOTTLES…..
(For you pedants out there, “WIT” is an intentional Insightful Viewer spelling.)
When a 102 pound 16-year-old falsetto is influencing how men’s shirts are sold, this confirms that the planet is overheating in the worst way. If Mad Men’s Don Draper were an actual retired 80-something ad man living in today’s world, and he had not succumbed to lung cancer, cirrhosis of the liver, or a massive coronary while getting horizontal with someone other than his wife, seeing ads like Cotton Work would have surely provided the tipping point that makes him happy to check out in 2010.