Tag Archives: china

Lame Adventure 290: Visiting the World Virtually

WordPress is this site’s host since its launch in January 2010.  They’re constantly tweaking it, adding more bells and whistles. I adapt to their changes that have all been fine with me thus far.  This month, March (for anyone drawing a blank about what month this is), they’ve added a new statistics feature displaying a summarization of the top views by country.  Pictured below is the Lame Adventures map showing my puny stats for the first eleven days of March.

I suck in China but possibly whoever reads me there is now in a labor camp.

I am most popular in the US (population 313.1 million) with 2,387 visits but not as loved in China (population 1.3 billion) with two visits.  Obviously, I have my work cut out for me with my Chinese audience, but I am doing much better in Hong Kong with fifteen visits.  Some years ago I had a work-related email pal in China, a very personable young woman named Yinni who was obsessed with the TV series Sex and the City; she insisted I was the Samantha character come to life.  I did not have the heart to admit to her that I’m queer as (adjusting for inflation) a nine-dollar bill and my taste in attire leans heavily in the direction of Larry David.  She advised me that if I ever got around to visiting China, I should skip the mainland and head straight to Hong Kong.  Looking back, I think she was more onto me than I realized at that time.

I am not going to delude myself into thinking that more than a fraction of my visitors read much, if anything of what I’ve written.  I imagine the pictures are the draw, such as this semi-mangled water bug I encountered while re-entering my building after taking out the trash.

Bug porn.

As I was perusing the extensive world traveling Lame Adventures has done while I primarily remain parked in either my postage stamp-sized dwelling or cluttered desk at work, my buddy and colleague, Coco, called.  Earlier in the day, I had checked my 401k and noticed that suddenly my name was misspelled.  I emailed Coco and half-jokingly told her to check the spelling of her name on our plan.  She called to say that her name was suddenly misspelled, too.  We did not know what to make of this odd coincidence but we now know that we both have to deal with our difficult general manager, our plan’s administrator, to make the adjustment.  We commiserated further.

Me:  If I hadn’t already made my sandwich for tomorrow, I’d take the day off.

Coco:  I wish I could leave the country, just light a fire behind myself and run.

That prompted me to tell my pal about all the places Lame Adventures has visited. Coco was impressed as I rattled off country after country.

Top 31 visitors to Lame Adventures-land.

Coco:  That’s so cool!

Middle 31 visitors to Lame Adventures-land.

Me:  But I’m almost 371 in dog years and I have yet to go anywhere outside of the continental US whereas my blog will probably be read on the moon if they ever build a space station there!

Coco:  I still think that’s cool.

Actually, I do, too.  I will also ask Coco to pretend that she’s me should I  hear from Yinni again if she ever makes good on her goal to visit the US, something she had longed to do.  That will surely up my stats in the most populous country in the world.

Lower 28 visitors to Lame Adventures-land, probably all eager to scram and not return.