Last month I had my birthday. It was an ordinary one, not the crisis kind that reminds me that, thus far, I’ve essentially misspent my entire life from cradle to (as I inch closer) ash. Besides, I can think that thought any day of the week, especially when I ponder how overseeing tile labeling is my current <cough> get rich slow career.
On my birthday proper, May 4th, when my UK-bound colleague, Elaine, set foot in the office at 8:54 am, I sneezed twice with hurricane force and had a light bulb. I thought, “I wonder how many times I’m going to sneeze this entire year until my next birthday?” I also happened to have a small spiral bound memo book in my satchel, a perfect notebook to start jotting daily sneezing notes. I call it My Book of Sneeze.
I also considered writing a second blog, one entirely devoted to nothing but my sneezing. Before setting that one up, I ran this idea by Milton who opined in a voice that sounded very similar to someone who had just been force fed a tennis ball courtesy of Serena Williams following a bad call. My close confidant gagged, “Please don’t. You don’t want to know the kind of person that would follow something like that.” Next, I suggested just summing up my entire month of sneezing in a single post here and that met his seal of approval, followed with this reflection, “I can’t believe you’re really going to count all your sneezes for an entire year. That’s fuckin’ crazy.” One man’s crazy is one woman’s blog post.
My sneezing highlights and statistics for the month of May from the 4th through the 31st are as follows:
May 4th – birthday: 7 sneezes; two scoring solid 5’s on the sneeze-o-meter with 1 being a suppressed sneeze that explodes inside one’s head and 5 being delivered with such velocity that children and pets (including fish) hide.
Monday May 17th – high count sneeze day: 8 (2 at work; 6 at home).
Home: 44 sneezes
Work: 25 sneezes
Other (walking on street, while visiting friends, in a store, etc.): 14 sneezes
Subway: 4 sneezes
Volunteer Ushering (Gabriel at Atlantic Theater Company): 1 sneeze
No sneeze days: 4
Overall, I sneezed a total of 88 times during those 28 days in May for an average of 3.1428571 sneezes per day. Onto June!